i.

Texas oilmen want to buy a Scottish town,

to blast it and build hell. But the locals want to sell. 

That’s the joke! A Magyar misnamed Mac’s flown 

in from Houston to gladhand; close the deal. 

Mac gets lost in fog; saves a hurt bunny

en route to Ferness, where he finds the hoteliers,

Gord & Stella, in flagrante. Gord smells the money.

“Christmas is coming,” he crows, and rallies

the villagers to sell en bloc. They soon agree:

they’re trapped in Ferness, jobbing to make ends meet,

catching lobsters they can’t afford to eat.

They take cliffs for granted, starlight on the sea,

and how a roofer’s clatter mending slates above

obscures the ruckus of Gordon and Stella’s love. 

ii.

I’m more of a Telex man, crabs Mac,

until he gets to Ferness. He finds mist; shore; stars.

Stone houses backing on a cliff; no cars;

one red phone, in a phone-booth by the dock;

antler buttons on the lambswool Stella wears.

Mac walks barefoot on the beach, loses track

of time — forgets his watch on a rock

collecting shells while the portable lairs

of hermit crabs meander in their pools.

Gord names Ferness’ price. Mac tries not to laugh:

Afraid to ask too much, Gordon asks half

what Texas would pay. Mac plays it cool,

haggles because he can. It’s all going well.

Texas wants to buy. The locals want to sell.

iii.

There’s a Scottish oil man (oil boy?) too. Fresh

from Harrow central casting, Danny’s all posh gab

and gawk. He also falls in love. At the Glasgow lab

where the project’s modelled like a petrochemical crèche,

we meet Marina, a marine biologist. In a sequence 

that screams this-can’t-be-real, she shakes her coiffure

loose and lets her white coat drop. Into the model harbour

she dives like Esther Williams sans-sequins

and swims away, surfacing on the beach of the real

Ferness. Censusing its unique fauna, she’s sure

Danny and Mac are there to save the fur-seal.

Poor Danny, torn between work and a mermaid’s allure.

Marina bobs in the waves, shows Danny the seals’ nursery. 

Web-toed, grey-eyed, she’s quick as a mink by sea.

iv.

One night Mac watches meteors fall 

sedately through the taintless Ferness sky. 

He’s agog. And there’s old grog Gord lets him try.

Another night Mac hears and sees a shawl

of Northern Lights. Ferness’ spells

are working on Mac. At the Ceileigh,

a dumpy punk girl takes a shine to Danny,

and Old Ben, who lives on the beach, fills

his pockets with snacks. Mac settles terms

with Gord. Drunk, Mac’s impelled to confess 

he’d trade his life for Gord’s in Ferness —

like a robin envying the worms.

But then — Old Ben claims to own the foreshore.

Won’t sell. Won’t take their offers of — more, more, more.

v.

Hopper, Mac’s top boss, meets with Ben Knox, 

in Ben’s half-boat-half-driftwood hut. Outside, 

Mac, Gord, and Danny. The villagers. Laughter inside. 

Hopper and Knox order more whisky, walk, and talk. 

It’s a special place, says Hopper. He’ll build Marina’s institute, 

preserve the town. Mac’s sent home. Danny wades 

into the waves to tell his mermaid her fjord is saved.

Mac’s sent home. He sighs. Puts on his power suit.

Re-ties his power tie. Chopper. Airport. First class seat.

Houston’s skyline greets him. Headlights from cars

wriggle past grids of eyes. 

        In Ferness, stars 

shine on the harbour. Phone booth. Deserted street.

The booth phone rings and rings. What’s the caller say?

It’s Mac — from Houston — he’s coming back to stay.

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Daniel Cowper is a writer from Bowen Island, British Columbia. He’s the author of a novel in verse about city life, Kingdom of the Clock, and a collection of poems, Grotesque Tenderness. Follow him on Twitter @DanielCowper and Instagram @danielcfcowper.