*In case your desk has been moved to the hallway/gym, and you haven’t seen the episode yet—spoiler alerts!*

While the teacher’s back is turned, grab a beer—and go desking. Jump from smooth desktop to smooth desktop as many times as you can—and be sure to film it and share it on social media before Mr. Gregory Eddie or Mrs. Barbara Howard at Abbott Elementary find out. Pound those feet into the desk like the gravity of your childhood depends on it—even if you have to remember the disappointed faces of all your favorite teachers for the rest of your life. How could you? Because you knew they trusted you? Because you knew you wouldn’t be the only one to blame? Because that desk was calling your name, and you needed to break in some new sneakers—that’s why.

This episode gets all the gold stars—and goes best with an Old Schoolhouse Brewery Ruud Awakening Double IPA. Go ahead, get sent to the office. Principal Ava Coleman won’t mind—as long as she gets a beer too. (Mr. Johnson, the janitor and occasional substitute teacher, will want one, also).

First off, I love that the spelling for this beer “Ruud” will already get you in trouble with all the teachers. But here’s your defense: Ruud is of Germanic and Scandinavian origin—it can mean either a “clearing” or “famous wolf.” This is the type of information Mr. Jacob Hill would give you extra credit for.

The citrusy grapefruit, malty flavor goes down smoothly when you refuse Ms. Janine Teagues’ juice offering because you know she’s trying to get you to tell her who started the desking trend. (Don’t.) You’ll also need it to steel yourself for when Ms. Melissa Schemmenti plays bad cop, hoping you’ll cave. (You won’t.)

And even though Mr. Hill’s boyfriend, Zach, has brought Mr. Hill’s yellow shorts and a spanking brand-new pair of Honeydew sneakers for a lame-o desking stunt that ruins it for everyone, you’ll still pour one out for him and the desking trend, which he killed. (How ruud!)

But then again, you could revive it. Some school somewhere is probably selling or giving away old desks. Bolt them to the floor, grab your sneakers, and a Ruud Awakening. The student has become the teacher.

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Cecilia Kennedy once paired a viewing of Cocaine Shark with Snoop Dogg’s 19 Crimes red wine and never looked back. She’s a writer and editor living in the Greater Seattle area, who publishes mostly horror fiction, but also humor. Her works have appeared in The Daily Drunk, Tiny Molecules, Kandisha Press, DarkWinter Press, Maudlin House, Flash Fiction Magazine, Rejection Letters, 365 Tomorrows Molotov Cocktail, and more. You can find her on X (@ckennedyhola) and Instagram (ceciliakennedy2349) and her DIY Humor blog: https://fixinleaksnleeksdiy.blog/