The sincerest pumpkin patch of all has a stash of Voodoo Ranger Atomic Pumpkin Beer. That’s how you do it. That’s how the Great Pumpkin appears. Linus got it all wrong.

And while you’re sitting alone in the pumpkin patch, drinking beer—which doesn’t make you look creepy at all—watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown on your phone or something. It’s the perfect pairing for a Halloween special that gets especially dark after dark. You’ll definitely see a few disturbing things:

• Lucy guts a pumpkin while Linus screams
• Snoopy crashes his doghouse into a battlefield, haunted by his imagination
• Maniacal neighbors weigh down Charlie Brown’s treat bag with rocks
• Lucy and Snoopy smooch while bobbing for apples
• Schroeder’s forced to play the piano all night at a party without snacks or breaks
• Linus passes out
• Violet draws a jack-o’-lantern face on the back of Charlie Brown’s head—and he’s wide awake while it happens

You’ll be delightfully surprised how this charming childhood favorite gets deliciously devilish with each sip of the Voodoo Ranger Atomic Pumpkin Beer.

Much like the cartoon, the beer starts off very fall-ish, with hints of pumpkin. You can almost picture the leaves Charlie Brown has just raked—and that Linus has viciously attacked with a wet lollipop—but in a good way. Then, in comes a little sweetness and maltiness, which means you won’t miss out on any tricks-or-treats candy. All treats, no rocks. And then, BAM! That habanero pepper really kicks in with an exciting burn. The Great Pumpkin has arrived!

Now, it’s just up to Lucy to drag you back home from the pumpkin patch, calling you a blockhead the whole time. But, hey there, pumpkin. Here’s what she doesn’t know: some blockheads have actually seen The Great Pumpkin, which looks a lot like the Voodoo Ranger mascot. Which is not bad. Not bad at all.

Cheers!

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Cecilia Kennedy once paired a viewing of Cocaine Shark with Snoop Dogg’s 19 Crimes red wine and never looked back. She’s a writer and editor living in the Greater Seattle area, who publishes mostly horror fiction, but also humor. Her works have appeared in The Daily Drunk, Tiny Molecules, Kandisha Press, DarkWinter Press, Maudlin House, Flash Fiction Magazine, Rejection Letters, 365 Tomorrows, Molotov Cocktail, and more. You can find her on X (@ckennedyhola) and Instagram (ceciliakennedy2349) and her DIY Humor blog: https://fixinleaksnleeksdiy.blog/