George was a certified cheapskate and did everything possible to save money, including cutting cable, which meant he could no longer watch his beloved Lakers. But George was crafty and discovered that he could get the computer to auto-play against itself on season mode in NBA 2K24 for the PlayStation, and that was basically like the real thing.

George watched as LeBron threw down a one-handed jam on the Knicks’ center to cut the lead to five, with two minutes remaining in game seven of the finals. A classic game was unfolding. The only thing that would make this moment more perfect is if his wife Emma was here with him. She wasn’t dead or anything. Just got herself bitten by a vampire on the way to work one day.

The chains on the door behind George rattled. A screeching Emma demanded dinner. “Just a second, honey,” George said. It was time for George to heat up a bag of pig blood on the stove. George paused his game. He didn’t want to miss an epic comeback by his Lakers.

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. He can be followed on twitter @sbb_writer and on Bluesky @sbb-writer.