Alright, everyone. Settle down. As I’m sure you all know, for weeks the internet has been relentlessly bashing and laughing at this new ‘War of the Worlds’ film on Amazon starring Ice Cube. While it’s fun to have the occasional hoo-hoo ha-ha, I think it’s important we remember a few things. Ice Cube is a person. He has feelings. He is kind. He is sensitive. But most importantly… he is also my baby bro.

I remember during our once-a-year phone call when he told me he was gonna do this film. I said, “Ice, that sounds awesome. Proud of you, man.” And for the rest of the year, I was hyping up this film to anyone I crossed paths with. There’s a good chance that I’m single- handedly responsible for most of the marketing for this film. Hell, I may have been the only marketing for this film.

The day after the film dropped, I was thrilled to go into the office and see what my co- workers thought of it. I, of course, was unable to see the film the night prior cause I was busy attending my ex-girlfriend’s kid’s soccer game (it’s a weird situation. I won’t go into it). But nevertheless, I was excited to see what my fellow employees thought of the film before I had the chance to watch it.

However, when I went into work… nobody said a word to me. This was strange. For the first few hours, I was acknowledged by no one. At one point in the break room, Abby quietly walked over and patted my back. This was puzzling. There was a mournful expression on her face that said, “we’re here for you.” What the hell was going on here? It wasn’t until I finally went online to check out the reviews for the film when I discovered the root of everyone’s sorrow toward me.

That evening, I needed to watch the movie for myself. But there was some shit I had to do around the house, so it was kinda just playing in the other room while I did tasks. But from what I overheard… it didn’t seem that bad, guys. No, I’m serious. I thought the movie was pretty alright. And I thought my brother did a very good job and you all owe him an apology.

Perhaps most of you simply don’t understand how personal this film is for my brother. Say what you will about Ice Cube, but he’s always expressed his opinion however controversial it may be. Ice Cube has always stated he’s very much against the world being exploded by aliens. He firmly believes that if that happened, it would be terrible. If you dislike this film, then I guess you’re pro world-getting-destroyed-by-aliens and I wish nothing but the worst for you.

There’s one scene in particular that’s getting some hate online. There’s a moment in the film when Ice Cube’s character (I can’t remember the character’s name. I wanna say it was Greg or something weird like that) watches over facetime as his son (Greg Jr?) gets blown to smithereens by aliens. Many online are calling out Ice Cube’s performance in this scene. Some believe he gives a whatever, slightly annoyed reaction to seeing his son explode, therefore making him a terrible actor. But all of you are wrong. You don’t know Ice Cube like I do. This is exactly what Ice Cube’s real-life reaction would be if his son exploded before his very eyes. This is just how he reacts to things. A few years back, I had a pretty bad health scare, and I told Ice that there was a chance my entire body neck down would be paralyzed. His reaction was that of someone losing a hand in blackjack where the minimum bet was only $15.

Even so, that scene of Ice Cube and his son moved me. It made me think… what if that was my son? Too bad in real life my son is a piece a shit who hit a mailbox with my Acura. But still, if he wasn’t a piece of shit, then I would probably be a little miffed if he was obliterated by aliens.

Okay, my brother’s new film is getting bad reviews. But so what?! I did some research. Did you know that films like ‘The Shining’ and ‘Citizen Kane’ got some bad reviews when they first came out? Yeah, you probably didn’t know that, huh? Who knows? Maybe one day, Amazon’s ‘War of the Worlds’ could be considered amongst the greats like ‘The Shining’ or ‘Citizen Kane’. Asdsadsadsadsadasasfgfgasfgndfgjgfgafdjgdfgnjdanfgdf. Shit, sorry, but rereading that last sentence made me laugh so fucking hard I spit the cream soda I was drinking all over my keyboard. Ugh, it’s bad too. Fuck, everything’s sticky. Ugh! This isn’t even my laptop too. My buddy is gonna be so pissed. What a mess.

All in all, the film is not that bad, guys. Perhaps the insights I gave about my brother will make some of you reevaluate the movie. And if you still don’t like it, then please leave my brother alone. For he truly is like an ice cube. He may have a cold demeaner. But when near too much fiery hate, he can melt. Please be considerate.

Film Grade: 2.5/5

-Joe Cube

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Michael Riotto is a New York-based writer. He graduated from SUNY Purchase College with a BA in Screenwriting and Playwriting.