Ryan said he didn’t want to be The “Something” Guy, and he’s not. He’s all these guys instead:

1. The guy who started the fire
2. The guy who goes to business school
3. The guy who knows he’s in love with Kelly Kapoor today—but maybe not tomorrow
4. The guy who’s saving up to travel and buy an Xbox
5. The guy who’s living in a “detritus home”
6. The guy who can’t answer the phone cause his “hands are tied” when he finds himself “in custardy”
7. The guy who doesn’t answer his phone, so he needs a WUPHF
8. The guy who has a toast for…”All the troops. Both sides.”
9. The guy who lost his cousin Mufasa to wildebeests on a safari
10. The guy who’s about to make “a splash in the paper business” but this IS NOT a comeback
11. The guy who gave his baby an allergic reaction—and abandoned him|

Note: Ryan isn’t The “Something” Guy.  AND he will never be the most exciting Guy either, Guy Fieri.

Elizabeth Bates is a high school poetry and creative writing teacher. She is drafting her debut novel. Her poetry has appeared in The Daily Drunk mag, The Ekphrastic Review, Versification literary zine, and Kreaxxxion Review. Bates lives for The Daily Drunk’s Office Friday! She lives in Washington state with her husband, son, and two Siberian Huskies.