I looked it up
and the average cost of cosmetology school in the United States
hovers somewhere around ten grand.

I looked it up because
I wanted to see how much I’m saving
by drinking two-thirds of a bottle of twelve dollar sauv blanc and,
using my fiance’s moustache scissors and my hand mirror,
trimming my emerging Ziggy Stardust
before it grows into a Carol Brady.

The wine is important.
The amount of wine is important.
Any less and you’re not brave enough,
any more and you’ll regret it.

Save the third glass for after the haircut.
Take it from me.

Anyway
I’m lookin quarantine-cute
and now all I have to do is
figure out what to do with the
nine thousand nine hundred eighty-eight dollars I just saved.

Emily Jane Cayer is always working on a novel and almost never writes poems. She lives on the US/MX border in the tiny art town of Bisbee, AZ with her fiance and their three rescue dogs. She just cut her own hair (again). Follow her on Twitter @bzbroux.