“Look, I think a person can only go like three days, maybe four, without masturbating.” He waits for laughs and applause that never come.
“I mean, really! Sir, you there, front row, in the blue polo, receding hairline, how long you ever go?” No one in the audience answers him and he waits like an inordinate amount of time for a response to his question, it gets awkward for everyone involved.
“For me, I mean, I can’t go a day without waxing my weasel four times…”
“Shut the fuck up you fucking hack!”
The comics sitting at the bar in the back of the room laugh for the first time during his set.

Scott Mitchel May is a writer living in rural Wisconsin with his family. You can follow Scott on Twitter @smitchelmay