An Epic Poem about the Summer I was Fourteen

You are 14
My mother said
You should get a summer
She said

So I went to work for John Huston
Driving his Rolls Royce
I was big for my age
John Huston agreed that
I was big for my age
He didn’t care I was 14
He thought it would be a
Good experience for me
It will be a good experience
For you
He said

So I drove John Huston and
Albert Finney everywhere
While they sat in the back
Slamming endless

Then we picked up
Alec Guinness and Sir
Alec rode up front with me
And he kept trying to
Give me road
Head because I was
Big for my age
And Albert
Finney had told him I was 22
And I did not know

Every time I would push him away
Sir Alec would turn to the others in the back
Indicate to me
With his thumb
Do a creepy
Groucho Marx thing with his
Eyebrows and say
The force is strong with
This one

Then every day
For a week
We had to drive to Orson
Welles’ house and they made me
Put a shoe box of dogshit
On the front steps

They laughed and laughed at this every
Albert Finney laughed so hard the first time
He pissed his pants and gave
Himself a petechial hemorrhage in his
Right eye
When Huston saw Finney had pissed him
Martini shot out of Huston’s nose
And so he only smoked hashish after
That because
It hurts to have martini shoot
Out your nose

After two weeks of putting dogshit on Orson
Welles’ front step and
Laughing and drinking martinis and
Smoking hashish Mr. Huston
That the joke was on me more than Orson
Because it wasn’t really dogshit I was putting
On his steps
Alec Guinness had been shitting in the
Boxes all along

And that is why the
Summer that I was 15
I went and worked for
Air America

My name is Corey Burns. I am a fifty-year-old public defender in the middle of Nebraska. I have a wife and three young daughters (like young enough to be my granddaughters almost). I have self-published a novel, Hick Lawyer, which is available on Amazon. I have had essays published in The Nervous Breakdown and Barren Magazine. My twitter handle is @CoreyBU92286622

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