Cleaning Your Own Rabbit

Abe Costigan, the Minister of the film and television branch of the government, had quelled the partisan revolution of The RHW, who nearly managed a coup d’etat but were covertly suppressed. He, himself, prosecuted the leader of the last Real House Wives for sedition and treason and had a meme of the trial broadcast on a loop for the next few days on every channel to get the point across. To prevent any further uprisings, Costigan drew up a new amendment for The Constitution. It took twenty-five minutes for the Rollerball resolution to pass, which prevented any one film or television personality from getting too much fame and recognition. Costigan had been the warden of a for-profit prison, so it only made sense for him to assume the position as head of MFT when the previous head retired. Rumors started to circulate almost immediately about a possible presidential bid even before he assumed the ministry. A group called “The Sons and Daughters of George Orwell” swore to thwart Costigan’s chances at a presidential run, and he released a statement saying he would find and kill every member of the organization. He declared them terrorists and an affront to a decent society. They tried to sue him for libel and slander, but as a member of MFT, he was protected under a free speech and debate clause. Eventually, Costigan resurrected COINTELPRO, and an agent was able to infiltrate the group. Once their whereabouts had been confirmed, Costigan diverted his full resources of the MFT and tapped “Stalkers” former bounty hunters to be featured in the upcoming reality show based on Richard Bachman’s The Running Man to track down and apprehend the ring leaders of SADOGO. Contractors “Sub-Zero” “Fireball” “Buzzsaw” and “Dynamo” staged a pre-dawn raid and captured “Zach,” “James,” “Johnny,” “Jaybee,” “Robby.” “Anders,” “Carole,” “Susan,” and “Elaine.” They were sent to a detainment center to await trial. Again, Costigan appointed himself as the lead prosecutor.

The trial of the leaders of SADOGO would be one of the biggest events of the year. However, before jury selection could commence, the group pleaded guilty to lesser charges to avoid possible death sentences. Each received a lengthy prison sentence except for Anders who had the addition of hard labor. It was discovered he had had a previous conviction for stealing stamps from his local post office so he could mail in a Publisher’s Clearing House form. Costigan used his connections to have them carry out their sentences at the penitentiary he once oversaw. Most importantly, the publicity ensured the new reality series Stalker’s Send-Off would begin taping later that same fall.

Costigan’s opening remarks at the arraignment would close the chapter about SADOGO in banned textbooks. Costigan had detailed his time living in Astoria, Queens, just outside of New York City, as a younger man, when he would frequent a butcher shop near his house. One evening, he asked for a rabbit. He was going to cook rabbit ragout. The butcher had asked if he wanted the rabbit prepared. Costigan said no, he had planned to do that himself. The butcher asked for Costigan to wait a moment and disappeared into the back of the shop. He returned a moment later with three other butchers. Costigan had asked if there was a problem. The butcher replied there wasn’t; the others simply wanted to salute the man who would clean his own rabbit. 


Andrew Davie received an MFA in creative writing from Adelphi University. He taught English in Macau on a Fulbright Grant. In June of 2018, he survived a ruptured brain aneurysm and subarachnoid hemorrhage. His other work can be found in links on his website: asdavie.wordpress.com

Categories: Fiction

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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