Get Her Goat

Dorris Deborah Dellyweather was sitting on her veranda one fine Saturday afternoon. With her pet bird nested in her hair, she felt everything was right in the world for once. 

“Hello, Ms. Dellyweather!” The mailman hollered as he walked right past her house (Dorris never received any mail.) She said nothing back and just took a sip of her tea. 

The mailman looked dejected, as if he really wanted Dorris to say hi. Dorris got up from her rocking chair, made her way down the path to her mailbox, and yelled to the mailman, “Come back! I have a question to ask you!”

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, stunned in disbelief. 

“Have you seen my billy goat, Simon, anywhere?” 

The mailman had in fact kidnapped the goat in the hopes of sparking a conversation with Dorris. 

The mailman thought to himself in a panic, what should I tell her? what should I tell her? Everything went silent, even the bird that had nested in Dorris’ wirey bouffant. 

“You know, he said, “I think I did see a billy goat…inside someone’s mailbox down the street.”

Ms. Dellyweather was not amused, “Goats, my dear mailman,” she said in a condescending tone, “couldn’t possibly fit inside a mailbox…”

The mailman pressed the issue further: “Well this one did! Maybe it’s one of those magical shrinking goat breeds.”

Dorris had a secret. “Simon was my husband.”

The mailman’s mouth dropped, “…as…in….Simon……The……Goat????  Was your husband????”

Dorris snapped back, “What did I just say?”

The mailman slowly started backing away, afraid to break eye contact. 

Dorris flourished her hand in the air and shouted, “Get him Girtie!” and just like that the bird nesting in her mess of hair took flight. 

As the bird landed in the mailman’s hair, he began to magically turn into a goat. 

Keith Langston writes for Travel Channel, Screen Rant, and Passport Magazine, among others. His personal essays have been featured in Hobart and Talking Writing. His passions are travel, film, and tea.  

Elizabeth Bates is a writer and teacher from Washington state where she lives with her husband, son, and two Siberian Huskies. She is a co-columnist of “Full Send” at The Daily Drunk. Bates has recent or forthcoming works with Versification, Seaborne Magazine, and elsewhere.

Categories: Fiction

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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