Time again
For a lack
Of wine
Or gin
Or Brie
Or caffeine?
(Maybe
Just one
F’ing coffee)
Traded in
For
Folic acid rich foods
Like spinach
And broccoli
And giant
Vitamins
Swallowed with
Fish oil pills
And breathlessness
And teenage acne
In places you didn’t know acne
Could reach
And becoming a super hero
With the worst
Superpower
Super smell?!
Why are dogs so happy?
The world smells
Bad

Time again
For a lack
Of vocabulary
Forgetting
Names
Of things
Like that fruit thing
I mean
Apples
Dipped in peanut butter
Followed by
Gherkins
And coal (yum)
And seasickness
When the world is still
Your stomach churning
Those apples
Resurface
Behind someone’s
Post box

Time again
For strangers
To note how big you are (thank you)
To ask how long
To place hands
On your belly
To tell you tales
About sleeplessness
And what happened to
Their vulva (again, thank you)

Time again
For first sightings
Of a heartbeat
Of a tiny foot
Of a spine
Being jabbed in the ribs
Bladder kicked
By that tiny foot
The expectation
Of encounter
Of tears
And sweat
And pain
And being enveloped
Overwhelmed
Leaking
Everywhere
And feeling
Nothing
And everything
And so much
Love

Again

Tassa Deparis is Indonesian born, and raised in London. She studied the MA Writing for Performance and Dramaturgy at Goldsmiths University, then moved to Berlin where her debut play This Wall was produced at English Theatre Berlin. After becoming a mother, she wrote The Daughter Abroad, which premiered at Theatre503t. In London, she has had her work performed at Room Festival, ArtsDepot, and readings as part of the Scene Gym and Park Theatre programmes. She also works with children and community groups as a Creative Practitioner and as a teacher in Suffolk.