CALABASAS, CA—Reality star and model Kendall Jenner said she’s ready to settle down and is looking for ‘the one’ at the upcoming NBA Draft.
‘I’m single and ready to mingle with the 2020 draft class,’ said the media personality and socialite. Jenner went on to say, ‘I’m looking for a good guy that will treat me well. Someone who is honest, kind, and hopefully a lottery pick or at least taken in the first round.’
Jenner’s rumored past NBA lovers include Ben Simmons, Blake Griffin, and D’Angelo Russell. This shows that she doesn’t have an exact type, having dated guards, forwards, centers, beards, no beards, lefties and righties. ‘Which NBA player Jenner will date is the most exciting time of the year, YES!’ said long time NBA commentator Marv Albert.
Las Vegas odds makers are even getting into the action, saying on November 18th they believe Jenner will likely choose LaMelo Ball, but can also see an unorthodox and more mature choice in 71 year-old coach Gregg Popovich, or even 58 year-old commissioner Adam Silver. Silver is married, but reps for Jenner say that would not be a difficult hurdle to overcome. Commented Albert, ‘suspense, adultery, YESSS!’
Big sister Kim Kardashian, who was briefly married to NBA player Kris Humphries, advised Jenner not to choose a power forward/center. However, sister Khloe thinks Jenner should indeed choose a power forward/center, as her on again, off again, on again, off again relationship with Cavaliers big man Tristan Thompson is once again, on again.
The Minnesota Timberwolves have the first pick in the draft, but in actuality, it is Jenner who will be choosing first. Anthony Edwards (6’5” Shooting Guard/Oklahoma) is projected to be selected first overall and could be a good fit for Jenner. However, James Wiseman, standing at 7’ 1” would be taller than anyone else Jenner or her sisters have dated, and thus, immediately give Jenner Thanksgiving Day bragging rights. Said Albert, ‘Thanksgiving, turkey, bragging, stuffing, sex, pilgrims, YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!’
Jared Waltzer is a comedy writer and performer. He has studied at UCB, Second City, iO, the Pack Theater, and the Groundlings. Jared currently performs weekly at the PIT, and all over New York City. He is on Twitter and Instagram @JaredWaltzer, and at www.jaredwaltzer.com