“Floor wine” is a fancy name that I give to the Kirkland Cabernet Sauvignon special, which comes in a bottle, roughly the size of a cannon, at Costco for just $7.99. It’s so big and heavy that I have to store it on the floor in my pantry; the delicate wooden shelves would burst apart at the seams, and then where would I store the rest of the liquor cabinet and the emergency boxes of macaroni and cheese? In any case, it sounds absolutely decadent to say, “Break out the floor wine! And the tacos!”

The chocolatey, full-bodied floor wine pairs well with just about anything, but mostly that overwhelming, uncomfortable, nagging uncertainty that plagues the days and nights of alarming Covid-19 numbers, the incessantly meowing cat, and the professor who WILL NOT GRADE ANY OF MY CHILD’S WORK THAT WAS HANDED IN ON TIME, AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE MY CHILD IS 18, AND I AM ABOUT TO LOSE IT.

Ahhh. There, I’ve said my piece. And now, I can chase everything away with just a smidge of the Kirkland special. Maybe just a smidge more. Why not? There’s room for more, on the floor.

Cecilia Kennedy once taught Spanish and English courses in Ohio for many years. She now lives in the Greater Seattle area, and writes horror stories. Her blog (Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks: https://fixinleaksnleeksdiy.blog/) chronicles her humorous (and perhaps scary?) attempts at cooking and home repair.