Last night at approximately 8:30 pm, an unidentified woman was removed from the Maki My Sake restaurant because she was intoxicated and indecent, disturbing patrons eating shabu-shabu at adjacent tables.
The woman, who wants to remain nameless, was connected to an oxygen tank because of chronic emphysema and began to remove her clothing at approximately 7 pm. She said that she was playing strip poker with her friends, but the owner stated that she was dining alone, and all the other patrons never saw her before. Plus, there was no sign of a deck of cards.
The woman who stood approximately 6’ 2’’ and weighed two-hundred-and-thirty-pounds was noticeably drunk when the owner demanded that she put on her clothes and immediately leave the eating establishment. The owner said that she refused to vacate because she wanted another bottle of Sake, which would have been her fifth. Three female employees attempted to drag the naked woman, along with her oxygen tank, out of the restaurant, despite her being entirely naked.
Sources say that the struggle lasted over an hour, with windows broken, tables overturned, and punches thrown. The police promptly arrived on the scene and took the woman to the local mental health facility in Poughkeepsie, New York.
“It’s funny,” said one patron. “I’ve never seen a naked woman eating so much sushi before. I don’t know how anyone could eat all those Rainbow Rolls without upchucking.”
This situation followed a similar incident. A naked Presbyterian man was hooked up to an IV, refusing to leave a taqueria in SoHo because he only got three taquitos instead of four. When asked if there was any connection between the two events, the Poughkeepsie Chief of Police said, “Surprise nudity is nothing new. At least once a month, someone wants to take their clothes off when dining in public. It happens a lot in oyster bars, plus I think people are hornier nowadays.”
The woman in question remains hospitalized and disputes the claims. “I was waiting for a California Roll when the owner tried to kick me out. And I was not naked, either. I was wearing a skin-tone leotard that night, and only had one glass of Sake,” which she believes was laced with Ecstasy.
Hospital sources say that the woman continues to remain naked but in good spirits.
Mark Tulin is a former psychotherapist who lives in Ventura, CA. He has authored Magical Yogis, Awkward Grace, and The Asthmatic Kid and Other Stories, and appeared in Vita Brevis, Amethyst Review, Ariel Chart, Fiction on the Web, The Opiate, and others. He can be found at www.crowonthewire.com, and at Twitter: @Crow_poet.
Categories: Funny News