An Ode to the Family Stone

Oh, Family Stone.
You spent an entire Christmas brutally verbally assaulting Sarah Jessica Parker.
All while she was trapped in your secluded New England home.

Evil. Pure evil.
But also…pure genius.

And then, she begs her sister to come in a desperate plea for help, like a drowning puppy reaching its little paw for a life vest…

And what do you do?
You fawn over her sister. You love her sister.
You not only salted the wound, but you sliced off an entire arm, then shoved rock salt into the gaping laceration.

Oh, cruelty, cruelty, cruelty!
Sick perverts! All of you! Sadistic WASPy masterminds, you are.

And yet, I strangely like you. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me feel like it’s Christmas.

Because, like Carly Rae Jespen says, It’s Not Christmas ‘Till Somebody Cries.



Keith Langston writes for Travel Channel, Screen Rant, and Passport Magazine, among others. His personal essays have been featured in Hobart and Talking Writing. His passions are travel, film, and tea. 

Leave a Reply