i am drinking cruddy coors because i live in cruddy quebec
i am sodomizing god with my taste buds
with every sip
because they ran out of moosehead at the dep
sacre bleu i drink labatt’s too
for those not in the know these are anglo beers
because the quebecois corner stores only stock malt beers
with tinfoil labels and imports to justify the markup
i guess
i’d rather buy 4 beers than a litre of orange juice
to wash down my osti from my câlisse in my tabarnak
and ask some questions for alex trebek
i am trying to hit on you in advance
double down in double jeopardy for double romance
you’re big in japan i’m big in france
some common myths about montreal
are that we are all in three-way relationships
where mistresses abound
everybody’s hot as hell and speaks english
the problem people have with myths
is sometimes they’re simply truths
i came to this city because i had lost my joy of living
and like a womb this crossroads welcomed me in
town of city lights voluptuous charm and vagabond luck
i have no qualms with pride i have something better though
i am irreverently happy
and the best part of montreal is that i met you in it
and schwartz’s smoked meat sandwich
carnal godless delights like the poems of michel garneau
and the novels of réjean ducharme
smoking cigarettes with leonard cohen
produce shops separate from the supermarket
no parking anywhere at any time
white collar crimes in blue collar industries
the kind of place where when you wake up
the morning after somebody important’s died
you can feel the whole town mourning
mourntreal wombtreal maudtreal
lockpicking your identity with two tongues
french kissing to prevent frostbite
under the aurora borealis of searchlights
in the back of a free ride to nowhere in particular
spiral staircases in wintertime in summertime funicular
the secular sins of vocabulary
the revolutionary silence of vernacular
the vulgarity of familiarity immaculately spectacular
if the rest of the country were this place
we’d be at least all a little sassier if not a bit happier
time perhaps for the rest of canada to become montrealer
quoibec quel bel bec à quoi bon rené lévesque est mon mec
ben bon gaston miron nicole brossard émile nelligan marie uguay
denise desautels jean-paul daoust hélène dorion marie-claire corbeil
a province that is a nation that is a custody battle that is a love affair
and a town that is a mother that is a lover that is a refuge that is a thoroughfare
you are already here if you are all ready there
come in come in the city she loves you
but for the love of all that is holy
bring me some goddamn beer
Jay Miller (@sootynemm) is a young working writer. Recovering blogger and polyglot, reviewer, copywriter, translator, technical writer, editor, poet. His poetry appears in CWHOBB, Versification, mineral lit, and giallo. He edits The Lit Quarterly (@LitQuarterly) and holds a BA in Linguistics. He currently resides with his partner in downtown Montreal.