The Secret of Mindful Meditation: Don’t Wear New Crocs

And the Buddhist nun in the brand new Crocs, she tells us to close our eyes and to concentrate on the Moment,

And my stomach, of course, is the first thing I concentrate on,

Because it is making a noise like a cement mixer chewing rough cut diamonds,

Already blunted, it’s spitting them out onto the road,

Where I am sure everyone can hear them.

But there’s just the man in the cardigan with the sad combover,

And the lady with the Dame Edna specs and the collapsed Uggs,

And the guy with the neck brace who proves he’s a medical marvel every time he nods,

And no-one cares when they’re concentrating on their own Moments,

Or the progress their breakfasts are making through their digestive tracts,

And this is patently unfair because, if I can manage this,

If I can be away from the stomach and the To Do list and the itch at the back of my scalp

That is only there when I sit in this chair,

And had me thinking the room was infested with fleas

For at least the first eight weeks of the course,

Then I need an audience to Notice.

I need applause for achieving so very little,

When so very little is all I have ever achieved,

And surely those Crocs really are brand new,

And I’d not noticed that bracelet before, either,

And of course she can sit there and tell us to concentrate on our Moments,

When she appears to be doing so very well for herself in her own.

Mike Hickman (@MikeHicWriter) is a writer from York, England. He has written for Off the Rock Productions (stage and audio), including 2018’s “Not So Funny Now” about Groucho Marx and Erin Fleming. He has recently been published in EllipsisZine, Dwelling Literary, Bandit Fiction, Nymphs, Flash Fiction Magazine, Brown Bag, and Safe and Sound Press. His co-written, completed six-part BBC radio sit com remains unproduced but available to interested producers! 

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