INT. GEM SALOON – AL’S ROOM – DAY
TRIXIE sits on the bed, holding a dying AL SWEARENGEN’S hand. DOC COCHRAN bursts into the room.
TRIXIE: Damn it, Doc, Al needs his fuckin’ rest.
DOC: Unless he wants that rest to be permanent, he’ll hear what the fuck I have to say!
Al: By all means, Doc, sputter more horseshit into my ear.
DOC: I’ve developed a procedure. I think there’s a way to transplant someone’s liver into you, Al.
Trixie squeezes Al’s hand, sensing hope.
AL: Well, I’ve got fuck-all to lose. Tell Dan to murder me a donor.
DOC: No need, Bullock shoots three or four likely shitbirds every day.
AL: Then tell Dan to help me up. If I’ve time left, there’s business on this mortal coil I’ll fuckin’ well tend to.
EXT. DEADWOOD JAIL – DAY
SETH BULLOCK stands guard outside of his own door, seething with anger, but alert.
INT. DEADWOOD JAIL – CONTINUOUS
In a cell, GEORGE HEARST is bloody and bound. DAN DORITY holds Hearst’s hand down on a small table, which is otherwise covered with documents. Al sits, holding a huge knife.
Al plays the knife game, moving it between Hearst’s splayed fingers to the rhythm of “Waltzing Matilda,” which he hums.
AL: This is the price of trespassing in my territory, Hearst. You took my finger, yes. But with what you just signed…I’ve taken your empire.
Al makes a move to slash Hearst’s throat, but he’s too weak.
Dan gently takes the knife from Al and butchers Hearst without mercy.
AL: Tell Wu his pigs get a rich meal tonight.
INT. HOTEL SUITE – DAY
E.B. FARNUM hands ALMA ELLSWORTH a document, which we see is a DEED granting her ownership of Hearst Mining Company.
She is delighted.
INT. DEADWOOD PIONEER OFFICES – DAY
JOHNNY BURNS hands A.W. MERRICK a document, which we see grants him controlling interest in Hearst Newspaper Publishing.
He is shocked.
A NEWSPAPER(the NEW YORK PIONEER)spins into frame.
The headline: “HEARST DISAPPEARS. SOL STAR ELECTED AS JUNIOR SENATOR FROM CALIFORNIA, WITH EYES ON THE PRESIDENCY”
EXT. LAS VEGAS CASINO – DAY
INSERT TITLE: “Many years and many organ transplants later…”
A gaudy building in 1950s Vegas. A huge sign proclaims it’s the “GEM HOTEL AND CASINO” and “MARILYN MONROE PERFORMS NIGHTLY.”
INT. PENTHOUSE SUITE – DAY
An ancient Al lays in an enormous bed, as MARILYN MONROE gives him a blowjob. He stiffens, she stops, and she fixes her hair.
MARILYN: I have to be at rehearsal, Al, baby. See ya!
She blows him a kiss and leaves.
Al, wizened with extreme age, grunts. He reaches with the last of his strength and picks up a snow globe from a side table.
Inside the globe is a replica of Deadwood’s main street, back when it was wild and unconquered.
He drops the snow globe, and breathes his last breath.
Al is at peace.
Dr. Bill Bradley: teacher of screen studies, writer, and comedy person in NJ. I’ve been published in sites like Slackjaw, Points in Case, and Little Old Lady Comedy. I encourage you to cite your f*cking sources, and you can find me on social media @drbillbradley.
Categories: Film & TV: Crappy Endings