Dear Fellow Covid Singles,
If you’re going about the Single Covid life right, you’re already doing the following: launching the dating apps on the daily, creating a strong presence in the Instagram DMs (divvying out emojis 🤪 left and right), replying to as many stories as a 24-hour period allows, and of course, understanding that if you’ve outaged Snapchat people will let it slide (for now) because of Covid.
I applaud you for your current cycle of meeting methods. However, these days, the normal scroll and comment is not enough. I present you with this scenario and explain my newfound consciousness.
With bloodshot eyes from the constant blue light, perhaps you re-consider an ex. A rash decision is made and you text that ex. Are they into it? Can’t tell. No reply. Bummed, you grab the Airpods for a walk to shake it off, and STOP RIGHT THERE. This is where you can safely add the next component into the Covid Single cycle.
A walk isn’t just a walk during the time of Covid. Exercise is great, escaping the family is necessary, returning from a walk and being that much closer to your next meal is glorious. There’s truly an abundance of amazing things about walks. But Covid walks, these guys, these bad boys, these are chances to be seen. To run into someone. To talk to someone. To feel something.
A Covid walk is an opportunity. To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment. Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?
I think if you asked Eminem, the mastermind behind that poetic line, about the opportunity of a Covid walk, he would indeed not want you to “just let it slip.”
So go grab the Airpods. In a perfect world they’re charged to 100%. Turn on “Lose Yourself” and let that electricity run through you. You can shadow box in the mirror for a minute if it feels right.
While you’re in the mirror, ask yourself, what kind of outfit do we have happening? The outfit must be absolutely on point for the walk. Even if it takes a full day compiling the outfit, that’s a day well-spent for a Covid Single.
If you have a hat or a sweatshirt with a school name, city, band, movie reference, any type of indicator — incorporate it. I like to call these soulmate attractors because the deepest, most authentic moments often derive from them. A guy might be like, “Hey Fordham, Go Rams!” Or a girl might be like, “I like your Grateful Dead shirt.” Eminem’s words speak to you like they never have before: “Nervous, but on the surface you look calm and ready.” You don’t know anything about The Grateful Dead. Nonetheless, a conversation is born.
If you have a dog, of course bring the dog. If your friend has a dog, it might be worth borrowing the dog for the Covid walk to draw attention. One step further, you want to be the center of attention. You want to cause a scene and be seen in the most nonchalant way possible.
After ample preparation, this is how a Single Covid Walk might play out for you:
Maybe you’re on your walk, losing yourself in the possibilities that could unfold, and a potential partner drives by, spotting you through their window. There’s a multitude of different directions this can go, but if executed correctly, this definitely could be your special someone. Skrrrt. They slam on the brakes and drive backward. You’re stunned. Is it happening? You snap back to reality. With the windows rolled down they say, “Cool mask” or something like that. It flows naturally from there.
Maybe you’re on your walk, and a potential partner is also on a walk. So you’re both walking. You say something friendly to them as they approach, smiling with your eyes, smizing, shooting shots from the sidewalk. The lyric in your head tells you that in the moment you own it. You engage.
Maybe you’re on your walk, and you see a neighbor. You entertain a masked chat for a moment. Maybe this neighbor knows another Covid Single. Set-ups are ideal. No one should complain about a set-up. Your neighbor could be willing to scout the sidewalk scene for you. Building a local team of walking eyes and ears seems extremely reliable. Neighbors exude reliability.
Maybe… just maybe… in a perfect world…this neighbor is also a Covid Single, embarking on an opportune walk of their own. 🤪 And remember, as your fight song implores, “You only get one shot/ Do not miss your chance.”
Fiona Shea can be followed on Twitter @auntiairpods.