“The third season of the reality series premieres [Temptation Island] Feb. 16 on USA Network, and PEOPLE has an exclusive first look at the 23 single men and women — ready to compete to steal hearts — who will be joining the couples in Maui, Hawaii. “-People Magazine

Dear USA Network Casting,

I am emailing you today to let you know that I am interested in being a Single on “Temptation Island.” I’m at a point in my young life where all I want to do is party and light shit on fire while I’m being filmed, I mean, um, find a “meaningful” relationship. Instead of using Hinge or Bumble, I think the best way to find love is by trying to tempt men in relationships so they learn it was me they were waiting for the whole time.

Some of my special skills include taking selfies, twerking and giving really good relationship advice while showing photos of me in a bikini lightly crying and looking contemplative. I actually went to school to become a therapist before I dropped out three weeks into it to follow the American Idol tour. It turned out it wasn’t actually that, just a group of aspiring spoken word artists. But it still was cool and I convinced one of them to dump his long-term girlfriend Jocinda because she didn’t let him recite his poetry at her while they hooked up. I told him I would do that! So yeah, I do have a lot of temptation experience.I also have 22.5 Instagram followers and most of my comments are like, “I leave my wife for u” and “I outside ur door.”

Now I know there are lots of hot chicks who look like me who are also competing for this spot, but just know what while I’m truly “looking for love.” I also love telling other girls their hair looks ugly on camera and throwing shots at random hot people for the hell of it. I am fricking good TV! Also are you single? Are you in a relationship? Because I’d love to know more about your relationship and why you’re not married because maybe there’s a reason 😉

xoxo,

Alexiiis (yes that’s how it’s spelled)



Catherine Weingarten is a playwright and humor writer based in NYC. SHe’s a bit too obsessed with wedding cake. Twitter: @sarahkaneissexy