Lost Things: Antonio

There are quite a few things wrong with Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindelwald. Many “Lost Things” if you will, but the biggest question that every single viewer has to be asking themselves to this day is what the fuck happened to Antonio.

But before we even get to that, we have to begin with how Antonio even came to be. Apparently, somewhere between being arrested at the end of Fantastic Beasts and being imprisoned by MACUSA, Grindelwald also went pet shopping and picked up a little reptilian guy who is somehow a Chupacabra, curiously named Antonio, who he keeps by his side in prison. Again—inexplicably. Last time I went to prison (never), they didn’t let me bring my cat, nor did they acquiesce to my requests to visit Petco to find a good hamster companion. So… not sure where Antonio even came from, but what’s more important is where this little guy is going. As in… nowhere.

When Grindelwald breaks out of prison in the opening scene, he complains that Antonio is “so needy” and throws him out of the flying carriage where Antonio presumably dies by drowning in the river.

That’s it. Exit stage down, Antonio. As mysteriously as he appeared, he was gone.

At the time, I thought nothing of it. Surely he’d factor back into the story at some point.

Nope.

He’s just gone.

And what I really don’t get about this is that the writers had an easy out—Newt Scamander is Mr. Magical Creatures. Antonio, judging by his four arms, is a magical creature. Surely the wise and powerful Newt would offer a sanctuary for poor Antonio, who didn’t ask to be put in prison, who did nothing to deserve to be there, presumably, unless Antonio is actually guilty of mass magical murders and just so happens to be cellmates with Grindelwald, but I doubt that.

Honestly, and forgive the dramatics here, but it’s outrageous what happened to Antonio and how quickly they forgot about him. I’m not an emotional guy, but if we can’t get justice for Antonio, then just what the hell are we worth, anyway?



Josh Sippie:  I’m the Director of Publishing Guidance at Gotham Writers. My work has appeared in McSweeney’s, I have an ongoing Fiction series (about Yoda!) at Hobart and a forthcoming humor column at Points in Case. 

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