Being Crazier Than Taylor Swift Ever Was (While Listening to Taylor Swift)

i. 13 years old

Water was splashing in my mouth

I was singing You Belong With Me under the Niagara Falls

because I wanted my best friend’s

made-up character to be in love with mine

It felt realer as everyone joined in like a singing plague


ii. 15 years old

I Knew You Were Trouble played on my little alarm clock radio and it reminded me of my latest best friend’s made-up version of himself

in the fake diary he was writing

in which I lost my memory in a car crash and he convinced me he was my boyfriend

Every evening I couldn’t wait for more attention


iii. 17 years old

I heard Shake It Off for the first time and laughed at it with

two people who were best friends with one another but eventually not me,

because I was crazy,

still dripping on the couch from breaking

into that outdoor pool


iv. 20 years old

I kept working after class

and before rehearsal, in the cafeteria

writing my play and listening to Gorgeous, connecting it to my characters although

it didn’t have much to do with them

and at first I’d despised it


v. 22 years old

I cried with the sunset to Lover, every day in a house that wasn’t mine

because my boyfriend was moving even further away and I couldn’t stop thinking

what if he met someone

or what if he mixed chemicals while cleaning

or if what if he never found a doctor and one day collapsed?

I was prescribed my medication shortly before Folklore.



Palaces is Editor-in-Chief of Wrongdoing Magazine, Staff Contributorat The Aurora Journal, Hecate Magazine, and The Jupiter Review, and Editor elsewhere. She has a BAH from Queen’s University, and she’s placed work in Eclectica MagazineMaudlin HouseWitch Craft Magazine,and many others. Find her at pascalepotvin.com or @pascalepalaces on Twitter.

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