It’s not Mr Spock’s lack of emotion that keeps him so centred, it’s his rinky-dinky blinky light blocking viewer cutting down on unnecessary distractions

Granted, the bangs probably help, too. 

They’re a great way of hiding twinkly-light induced brow furrows. 

I’d have them myself if I thought I could get away with it. 

But the rinky-dinky viewer is a masterstroke. 

I expect he insisted on it. 

The better to concentrate on his “Science things,” I bet he said, 

When they’ve plenty of microscopes on the Enterprise

And why do you need a rinky-dinky viewer on a bridge full of screens, anyway? 

What, you need to peer at stuff when the zoom function exists? 

He probably took one look, the day he first came on board, 

For his orientation, or whatever it is they do, 

And he thought, “Bugger that, working with flashing lights distracting me everywhere,” 

And he insisted, didn’t he? “Yeah, I want a viewer, right there. With a really narrow eyepiece, 

The better to squint into, 

And absolutely not because 200,000 notifications going off all at once in my line of sight 

Is liable to increase my blood pressure higher than a Horta in a sauna.” 

I envy him his commitment to self-care on his five year mission. 

I envy him the bangs, too. 

Although quite why Captain Kirk has never put ink round that rinky-dinky viewer scope of his, 

Just to test the whole “emotionless” thing when he catches his face in the mirror later 

Is anyone’s guess. 

Mike Hickman (@MikeHicWriter) is a writer from York, England. He has written for Off the Rock Productions (stage and audio), including 2018’s “Not So Funny Now” about Groucho Marx and Erin Fleming. He has recently been published in EllipsisZine, Dwelling Literary, Bandit Fiction, Nymphs, Flash Fiction Magazine, Brown Bag, and Safe and Sound Press. His co-written, completed six-part BBC radio sit com remains frustratingly as unproduced as it was the last time he updated this biography. Maybe it would be better off as a children’s picture book?

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