Locking The Joker Away Forever Seems Harsh, So We’ll Let Him Out Just In Time To Destroy Gotham Once Again

“Facebook has extended former President Donald Trump’s suspension for two years and says it will only reinstate him “if the risk to public safety has receded”. The decision comes after Facebook’s Oversight Board told the company it had been wrong to impose an indefinite ban on Trump after the Jan. 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol.” – NPR, 6/4/21

After a horrifying incident involving a mass conspiracy and the attempted overthrow of our government, along with countless amounts of heinous crimes over the years, we, the City Council of Gotham City, made the brave decision to lock the Joker away in Arkham Asylum for life, so that he may never threaten the well-being of our citizens again.

Then we took a good, hard look at our penal system, realized we’ve never doled out a punishment this harsh, and got nervous about the implications of actually following through on our bold decision. So we decided to give the Joker another chance.

What reason do we have to keep him locked up forever? The Joker says he’s feeling better already, and we have no reason not to believe him. Granted, the staff at Arkham say he’s growing more paranoid and irrational every day, and he has been acting out in some mysterious ways. Keeping a blog? A very 2007 way to get the word out about your next big evil scheme, but still. Since when has an active social media presence ever led to something truly frightening happening?

Okay, okay, you caught us: Gotham City’s going through a bit of a tourism slump, and we need to increase foot traffic. We want the next ball/Mayoral election/centennial to be a bit spicier, and that usually happens when Joker shows up and murders everyone there, or steals an important document, or takes an innocent woman hostage. And sure, there’s plenty of other villains we could let loose from the joint: the Riddler, Penguin, Two Face, Poison Ivy, Bane, Mr. Freeze, Scarecrow, Talia al Ghul, and a bunch of out-of-town guests from Metropolis. But none of them have the same draw as the big man himself. Say what you want about him destroying the city and all, but you have to admit – he puts on a hell of a show.

Forever just seems like a really long time to punish this guy for a little uprising where he attempted to hold hostage a few high-profile government officials. It didn’t even work, so we don’t really see the point in keeping him locked up.

Who knows? Maybe he’s learned his lesson and he’ll be better this time. If not, then Commissioner Gordon and the Gotham City Police Department will lock him away again – but only after he’s done a significant amount of damage to our democracy. You think taxes are what keep the city afloat? Nothing compares to those sweet, sweet tourism dollars. The Joker is actually doing us a favor this time by leading a tour of Gotham City himself for his most loyal followers. Sounds like a regular old Wednesday to us!

Amy Currul is a comedy writer and doughnut enthusiast living in Brooklyn, NY. Her work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Weekly Humorist, The Belladonna Comedy and more. You can find her in the snack aisle at your local grocery store or online at amycurrul.com.

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