after Ric Flair

All afternoon long I’ve 

been across the street

throwing bags and waving

flags—Wooooo!—Haven’t 

you heard about me? 

Don’t you know why I 

want to be called Cowboy 

Baby? I am here to warn 

the world about this 

Harley-riding,

Jetski-gliding,

first-wife leaving— 

Wooooo!— wheeling, 

dealing, son-of-a six

gun. I’ve spilt more liquor 

on money than you’ve 

made standing up. Read 

the room, mean Gene. The 

letters here spell T-H-E 

(pause) B-E-S-T. Because 

that’s what I am, world: nothing

but the best. And when I

get up to the ring—Woo

ooo!—you best bet your 

ass I’ll be ready.



Avery Gregurich is a writer living and working in Marengo, Iowa. He was raised next to the Mississippi River and has never strayed too far from it.