O please, your dad does not look like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, OK? Get real! You think I wanna be his friend? And mow your lawn together? Ha HA! And your yellow eyeshadow. Sure, it works. I guess. On you. LOL. O boy…are you out of touch. You think I don’t know you’re terrific? Huh?! Well. Let me tell you: mega wrong, boy-o! The joke’s on you. You’d better think long and hard about falling in love with you, buster. Cuz you know what I think? Tough titty!

Steve Chang is from the San Gabriel Valley, California. His work has appeared in Epiphany, Guernica, Hobart, J Journal, The Southampton Review, Wigleaf, and elsewhere. Find him at stevehasawebsite.com and @steveXisXok