The Don Frye Mustache Guide to Living Your Best Life Now

Are you trying to improve your life? Do you find yourself thinking, “Is this all there is?” Are you about ready to give up?

Don’t.

A newly released compilation of Don Frye fights gives you the newest way to manifest your best life now since The Secret came out in 2006. 

Grow a mustache.

Even those of us who diligently wax our upper lip every two weeks can stop and receive the benefits of a Don Frye mustache. But first, who is Don Frye, and why should you care? Official sources will tell you that Frye is a former mixed martial artist, professional wrestler, and actor.  He made his boxing debut in 1989, his MMA debut in 1996, and ended his well-rounded career in 2011.  He is described as one of MMA’s “earliest well-rounded fighters, and he had instant success” with a reputation of being tough and having the ultimate fighting spirit. Although he competed in several disciplines, one fan summed up his specialty in three words:

The fans also capture his personality much better than his weak Wikipedia page.

A picture containing graphical user interface

Description automatically generated

Graphical user interface, text, application

Description automatically generated

Graphical user interface, text, application, email

Description automatically generated

Imagine being the hero to your family, giving nightmares to villains, and chugging your daily fiber requirement in one gulp, just by letting your ‘stache grow. With just a little bit of muzzle fuzz, you too can be like Frye and reap the following benefits.

#1: Tremendous power and influence

Imagine being the next Angelina Jolie, Jeff Bezos, Serena Williams, or Lebron James.  Or maybe it’s more like Dave Chappell, Gordon Ramsey, Warren Buffett, or Bruce Lee. 

Whomever you want to be instead of yourself, there is a way to achieve that persona.

But don’t listen to the usual suggestions.  

Forget about reading a book like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, which has sold more than 30 million copies. And screw getting yourself in the right state of mind through psychotherapy even though 75% of people in therapy experience a benefit. Instead, pick your ‘stache type, stop shaving, and start manifesting the kind of influence that makes people want to be just like you.  

Graphical user interface, text

Description automatically generated

The Frye mustache shows us what we knew to be true all along–that it’s not what you have on the inside but what you have on the outside that matters.

#2: A built-in self-defense mechanism

Even though crime rates have dropped since 1993, people think crime is increasing, according to data reviewed by the Pew Research Center.  

Are you falling prey to this misconception? Do you constantly jump at things that go bump in the night?  Do you want to feel safer no matter where you are?

If you said yes to any of these questions, a Don Frye mustache is the best solution for you. Fans give eye-witness testimony of Frye’s fights being bolstered by his macho mouth mane.

Graphical user interface, text

Description automatically generated

Sure, you could get a gun or train for 10 years to get a black belt in jiu-jitsu. Or you could hang a lip curtain in an average of three to four months and start walking down dark alleys having no fear.

#3: A legacy beyond all othersAccording to this Huffington Post article, a legacy is “leaving behind the essence of your Authentic Soul.” Even if the world has smothered your soul and you have no fame to brag of or wealth to bequest, with a fabulous set of handlebars, you can still matter.

Graphical user interface, text

Description automatically generated with medium confidence

Or go for legend status. Ignore the so-called experts who preach with mustache-less images that you should find your calling or serve the greater good.  Instead, to achieve legendary status, focus on getting the right look, which, of course, includes a good ‘stache.

Graphical user interface, text

Description automatically generated

Finally, if you are feeling down because you haven’t done anything memorable, remember that at least your mustache has a chance to be an iconic object worthy of museum status.

Text

Description automatically generated

Now that you have committed to growing your mustache and improving your life, you must remember the responsibility:

So, keep your cookie duster clean, your lip rug pulled tight, and your flavor saver sweet, and soon you’ll be living your best life.


When she is not cruising the comment section for ways to inject her dark humor, Ursula Saqui, Ph.D., drinks tea, runs, and practices being a foodie.  Find her everywhere at UrsulaSaqui.

Categories: Essay

Daily Drunk

Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *