In the Home Office
I’ve got a Daily Drunk anthology
I’ve got a First Cut chapbook
I’ve got George Costanza
I’ve got Jerry too
waiting here for me
Yes, I do
I’ve got kids art on my wall
Not really sure what it is
I’ve got Jim Halpert
I’ve got Scarlet Witch
waiting here for me
I do
I do
In the home office, I feel sane
No one cares about my weight
In the home office where I belong
No one sees my browser page
In the home office
I’ve got a Nintendo Switch
I play Animal Crossing
I write these stupid poems
And I love everyone
on my social page
Yes, I do
In the home office, I feel sane
No one cares about my weight
In the home office where I belong
No one sees my browser page
In the home office, I feel stale
No one knows about my pain
In the home office where I belong
No one sees me
No one sees me
No one sees me sing along
Say It’s Nae So
Oh aye
Fit like
Some cow’s backside
is crowdin’ my freezer
All of these yoghurts
busying my fridge
Guess I’ll just ram these ones in
Oh aye
Fit like
Looks shite
Outside
Switch on the TV
Tickled by Amy
Something is itchy
In the middle of my back
My temper is ready to blow
Say it’s nae so
Your drug is a beta blocker
Say it’s nae so
My love is a giant faker
I can’t approach you
I’ll never ask you
to get less shopping in
just mutter then act cool
WHat I say
slips away in a water slide from me
that take days to reach you
I act cool
Say it’s nae so
Your drug is a beta blocker
Say it’s nae so
My love is wild and wants to make out
Dear Daily Drunk
I write you in spite of years lacking confidence
You’ve cleaned up, found Sandler, everything I read is so good
This album from ’94 awakens creative feelings
Like Berman, Shawn Berman, this dude is drowning in the subs
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Say it’s nae so
Your drug is a beta blocker
Say it’s nae so
My love is a patience grater
Doom Scroll America
Tweet is foaming like a keg of beer
Logical arguments fall on deaf ears
I’m scrolling down so I’ll discover the truth
I’m scrolling down because I need all the loot
I’m goin’ scrolling cause I don’t like my poems
I’m tweeting out because I hate my tome
Honest, really belongs in a museum
I’m goin’ scrollin’, I’m goin’ scrollin’
Your takes are such hard work
I’m so damn bored
And when you’re out of fuel
I’m face down afloat
My buddies think the hurricane was deep state
they pound their chest for another hot take
These tweets are growing like our herd immunity
We’re goin’ scrollin’, we’re goin’ scrollin’
Your takes are such hard work
I’m still so bored
And when you’ve lost this duel
I’m gonna gloat
All along the undergrowth they’re strengthening their hold
Anti-maskers dying off
Now they can never go home
Your takes are getting bold
Can’t believe you’re head of the board
When your rocket ships blow up
I’ll be stuck on climate changing Earth
All these things that don’t exist
Yet people still getting hurt
Every death a conspiracy
to distract from the flat Earth
Your takes are bold, chairman of the board
Your takes are bold, I’m still so bored
Let’s go!
Scott Cumming never considered himself to be a writer until recently, but turns out he has some stuff to say. He has been published at The Daily Drunk, Punk Noir Magazine, Versification, and Shotgun Honey. His poem, “Blood on Snow”, was voted the best of Outcast Press Poetry Things We Carry issue and his debut poetry chapbook is due for release in December. Twitter: @tummidge Website: scottcummingwriter.wordpress.com