Rock Facts

Rock Fact #34: Moths are what butterflies turn into when the sun goes down, like washing off your makeup after a long day of being perceived.

Rock Fact #67: The squirrels outside my apartment stop and stare at me every time I leave. You might think that’s typical squirrel behavior, but it’s not. I know these squirrels.

Rock Fact #81: The chemical plants down the street from my apartment are actually pumping out cotton candy clouds. That’s why the sunsets are so wild. The high cancer rates are just a coincidence.

Rock Fact #567: I do not miss you when you leave.

Rock Fact #12: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, it does make a sound. That sound is: “whoops”.

Rock Fact #3: When we die, we come back as squirrels. That’s why there are so many everywhere. One time, a squirrel touched my hand because it thought I had something to feed it, even though I really offered nothing. We never learn, do we?

Rock Fact #49: You are never really leaving, it’s more of a brief interlude. Leaving is something only the dead can do.

Rock Fact #72: I never had a drinking problem. I had a wanting to die problem. This one is true.

Rock Fact #405: I didn’t miss any of the signs. I checked up on my friends. They’re still here, but sometimes I catch them shoving handfuls of acorns in their pockets.

Rock Fact #95: It is always fine to go into the basement at two in the morning to investigate strange sounds. Ignore the glow of all three pairs of beady eyes as they follow you in the darkness. Ignore their chittering.

Rock Fact #25: There is a trick to not missing everyone you love. You drink one cup of coffee and then have one chai and then have one English muffin slathered in blueberry honey and you chew slowly and intentionally and just think these words over and over: I love to be alone I love to be alone I love to be alone. Works like a charm.

Rock Fact #117: One time I tried to become a squirrel. It didn’t work. I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, my phantom whiskers twitching. The squirrels outside my apartment door are patient with me. They know I’ll join them sooner or later.

Rock Fact #296: The dead really never leave. They just wait. Squirrely little things.

Kimberly Wolf is forever dreaming of a mountain. Her favorite candy is Cocomels coconut milk sea salt caramels.

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