The Krampus-Grantler Hell Beer Review

That warm, Krampus-movie glow, which makes me want to curl up with my family in a snow globe forever and drink, is something I can hold onto all season long, thanks to the Costco Brewer’s Advent Calendar. My husband and I bought the 2021 calendar sometime before Thanksgiving, and we’ve been counting the days until December 1, which is when I can officially crack open a number of German beers I’d probably never try, unless they came from a monstrously sized box in the garage. 

Each evening, after work, Nate and I creep into the scary garage, hoping a vicious gingerbread cookie won’t hack us to death before we can poke a beer through the window of the picturesque, cardboard house/box. All of the beers are snuggled up inside, and like Krampus himself, we get to slide them out of their cozy spots and pour them down our pie-holes.

Since it’s not December 25 yet, I can’t tell you about all of the beers, but I can tell you about Beer 1. It’s a yeasty little number called Grantler Hell, and it has a picture on the can of a demonic-looking bearded man in a green hat, ripping through the aluminum to come get you. He looks like what would happen to Buddy the elf if he spent the night in our garage. 

The beer itself is like a lazy baker’s dream. Why make sourdough bread and waste time chewing it when you could just drink it? The beer is like eating a loaf of sourdough, and I see nothing wrong with that. Just maybe follow it up with some soup or something. Then, hold onto your snow globe and hang a wreath and banner on the door that says, “I’m old enough to know when life’s coming at me with its pants down”—Aunt Dorothy, Krampus.


Cecilia Kennedy once taught Spanish and English courses in Ohio for many years. She now lives in the Greater Seattle area, and writes horror stories. Her blog (Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks: https://fixinleaksnleeksdiy.blog/) chronicles her humorous (and perhaps scary?) attempts at cooking and home repair.

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