Checking In On Your Spotify Activity

Hey man, just wanted to check in. How are things going? I only ask because of your Spotify activity. Did you know people can see what you’re listening to? Yes, even the playlist names. They can be clicked on, too. That’s kind of why I’m reaching out actually.


Listen, seeing you roll through “Hot Girl Summer 2018 Tracks” was funny, I screenshotted it, but then things started to get..odd. Like, “Music in a Kohl’s Dressing Room” odd. I enjoy Bubbly by Colbie Caliet as much as everyone else. Who wouldn’t? Breakway by Kelly Clarkson? A classic! But things didn’t stop there, did they? It was the tip of the mental breakdown iceberg.


I then watched you recycle through the song “Laendler” from Sound of Music for 30 minutes. That’s not even one of the good ones! It was then that I really started to take notice. Like a rubix cube of emotions, you flipped through so many playlists trying to match the right feeling. You’ve never mentioned liking Ariana Grande or Screamo music, so imagine my surprise when you were listening to a 7 rings cover that could make ears bleed. What’s going on with you?


I want you to open up to me the way you opened up your “I Am Going to Delete Hinge and Text Him” playlist. Is that what this is about? I’’m confused, since you switched to “Taking a Break From Feminism” playlist shortly thereafter. You really rounded things out with the “Public Transit Noises” album. Trying to nail down your mood was like waiting for Taylor Swift’s rerelease of All Too Well— I thought I knew exactly what I was getting but it hurt so much worse.


If you need to talk to someone, I know loads of counselors you could contact. You don’t need to listen to “Morning Affirmations for Hot Sluts” or “Therapy: A Podcast” anymore. Your friends are here for you. Turn off the Social Network soundtrack and talk to me!
Is work stress getting to you? It might be worth finding a new release other than “Doja Cat make this bu$$y scre@m” to cope with all that. Just imagine if your headphones weren’t connected in the office and the an audiobook of “Tale of Two Cities” started blaring from your laptop. Everyone at work would know you’re a nerd!


Really, I’m just trying to help you. Sometimes the best way to grow is to actually not listen, you know? Go outside. The nature sounds out there are exquisite. You can really hear the birds! Moreover, 2021 Wrapped is just around the corner. What are you going to say when your top played song of the year was “Traitor” by Olivia Rodrigo followed by a synth-pop version of the Ice Cream Truck song?


Email me back as soon as possible. I need to know you’re okay before we discuss the new Adele album. It’s all I’ve listened to for 48 hours.


Alyssa is from Philadelphia and is always cold. She likes overpriced coffee, audibly cracking her joints, and bashing the Beatles. She is on Twitter constantly, follow her @cakegirlboss.

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