Pop music is out of my wheelhouse. Boy-band and boy-band adjacent pop music even more so. I’ve got nothing against the genre— boy bands were the natural evolution of barbershop quartets and doo-wop groups and I enjoy those plenty. So how did I end up puking on the floor of Harry’s House? Rum, mostly.
1. Music for a Sushi Restaurant: It’s a fun, white-boy jazz tune that seemed to be inspired by a word association game starting with the word sushi. The perfect home for this track is in a gentrified hibachi restaurant run by a guy named Gary. I drank a Sake-Tini (saki-to-me-tini?) with a seaweed garnish. By the end I realized the seaweed was the only thing I’d eaten in hours.
2. Late Night Talking: Mai Tai time. A song fitting for an 80s club. You bring home your date and go “I’ll put on a little smooth music,” then drop the needle on Late Night Talking while you whip up some Mai Tais. By the time you strain the drink she’s out the door. More for you!
3. Grapejuice: A New York Sour will one up your grape juice. This is the sort of song I imagine plays over the credits of a Hallmark movie when the angry corporate exec falls in love with the himbo beachbum.
4. As it Was: A Suffering Bastard, extra gin. A bubbly yet suffering bastard is how I’d describe the mood of this song. Come sit on the floor with me and I’ll tell you how this is the best part of the album.
5. Daylight: Who hurt you, Harold? It’s a slower, more mournful song. Whatever bothers you it’s nothing a Painkiller can’t fix.
6. Little Freak: “Dangling…wet dream… Jezebel,” is this a cry for help? I thought a Daquiri might sober me up and help me understand the song. The music is pleasantly melancholic, if you’re into that.
7. Matilda: This sweet, sad, bummer-ballad pairs well with the Dying Bastard. This album is manic, welcomingly unpredictable, stronger booze is needed.
8. Cinema: How does a woke Tarantino-bro get laid? Just ask Harold. This is my favorite song on the track. Fast, jazzy, sleazy, and probably about feminsit porno. Naturally I had the sexiest tiki drink–the Singapore Sling.
9. Daydreaming: The chorus has a bog-witch chanting ferally, which is probably pretty cool live. Bring me whisky in the husk of a lime!
10. Keep Driving: Keep driving where? I must be in the trunk of Harry’s car, and he continues to sing this word association. What the fuck is “hashbrown-sideboob?” Good cocktail name… but we’ll have the Dead Bastard.
11. Satellite: Word association seems the theme of the album… two can play that game… satellite… space… chimp…cosmonaut… cosmopolitan…
12. Boyfriends: Strange Twin Peaks backward talk at the open. Your boyfriend drinks secrets? Have they had a Zombie?13. Love of my life: Locked in this goddamned basement with him as he sings about sushi and heroin… I hope. A Fog Cutter saves the day.
Brooks Shropshire is a horror writer from Boone NC. He’s currently searching for the best martini recipe. Send martini tips via Twitter @brookshrop.