Does the Catholic Church need a liquor license to give communion or is it like a free exercise of religion clause situation? No, I will not google it, thank you

I have tried every side hustle on the internet

You’re probably not up to much this weekend anyways so I highly recommend you get in your kitchen and make homemade pita bread

Alright my dudes buckle up because I’m about to tell you exactly what would happen in the event of a nuclear attack which is something that the media will never tell you

You’ve been using your cafetière wrong

I’m gonna turn this giant glassware into a self-sustaining bonsai terrarium

This TikTok is for the guy that I was dating for the past couple of months who randomly ghosted me 2 weeks ago out of the blue (he may never see this because he doesn’t have a TikTok but stick around if you want a messy little fun fact about my life)

I think my favorite part about being laid off is the fact that so many people, bless their hearts, are like, oh you’re gonna find a new job so quick, don’t worry about it, like it’ll be a quick turn around, like you’re so valuable, blah blah blah

When I die, hydraulic press me, the world needs to know what happens when a person gets hydraulic pressed

Yo, a superpower from having childhood trauma is meeting someone and within minutes knowing if they’re a piece of shit or not

This Big Mac Salad is one of my favorite meals to make when I’m trying to lose some weight

Some of you don’t realize that creating content is one of the first steps in getting over your people pleasing and it shows, here’s why

I just saw a meme that said it’s mad how you never see anyone with the same oven as you

To whatever big brain bitch recommended that you put the ordinary, like, glycolic acid solution into a spray bottle, I’ve been spraying it on my back—I could fucking kiss you—my bacne’s gone

So, as an animal behavioralist, I can actually explain what’s happening here, so he’s basically just being a silly little guy

We all know the boomer thing of like converting a PDF but hear me out, the most like old person or old company kind of thing on the planet is when someone emails you a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet

Here’s something I didn’t know until I was in my 30’s

Guys, I have a confession, I thought that the millennial pause was just like older people not being tech savvy enough to go and edit their clips and cut out the pause that’s at the beginning of each video, because that’s what I do

Reason number 7 why I love men is because they get a pair of sneakers like they’re everyday shoes and then they rebuy them at least 4 times in their lifetime

If you hate being perceived, here’s a life hack

Uh, message to my children: how many times did I come and look at your Minecraft worlds? You guys can fucking watch the Tiktoks that I send you

My roommate and I came up with the perfect coping mechanism for the recession: it’s not the recession, it’s just recessioncore

Jay Miller is a copywriter and cocktail connoisseur living in Montreal. Find him on Twitter @sootynemm.

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