Stooping Over Lines on a Blowy Evening

Whose lines these are I think I know
He’s passed out in the bathroom though
He will not see me stooping here
To pack my nose full of his blow.

My new girlfriend must have some fear
Of harder stuff and sticks to beer
Pulled from the depths of the brown bag
Which sat by the dirty mirror.

She gives her slim finger a wag
Just some feeble attempt to nag
She’s right: snow does make my pores weep
And we don’t wish to lallygag…

The lines are lovely, fat like sheep
But I have empty cans to yeet
And eyebrows that must stay on fleek
And eyebrows that must stay on fleek

Beer and Whiskey

Some say the night will end with beer.
Some say whiskey
I do know a bit about their fear
And agree with those who say beer
But if we want to get frisky
I’m sure I can handle the threat
And clink glasses of chilled whiskey
Without regret
And live risky

The Pill Not Taken

Two pills offered in a sallow hand
And so sad I could not take them both
And go on a real trip, so I planned
And looked back and forth from bright to bland
I reached for one, forgetting my oath

I grabbed the bright for no clear reason
At least not one I could ascertain —
That it was a color in season?
Or a shape much like Jackie Gleason?
No, no, no, that would be quite insane.

With a beer chase I swallowed it down
Then there was nothing to do but wait
An hour passed and nothing but a frown
I got up, looked for that cheating clown
But alas he had made an escape

I write now, decidedly not high
There is no slurring of my voice
Two pills offered on a hand, and I —
I took the first one that caught my eye
And that turned out to be the wrong choice

***

Robert McGee has written comedy and short stories for The American Bystander, Sammiches and Psyche Meds, Little Old Lady Comedy, and a number of other funny places. His book, Nobody Can Pronounce My Name, has been praised by humorists more famous than Rob will ever be. Follow him on Twitter @Robert__McGee,