There are 472.8 miles

Between the Dunder Mifflin office

And Flavortown, USA,

Flavortown is 117.3 miles from Miami University

Where Kelly will go with Ravi

Which is nowhere near Scully’s Tavern in Miami

That Guy featured in Season 3

Of Diners, Drives-Ins, and Drives.

You’d have to travel 1,486.9 miles

To get from Scully’s Tavern to Harvard University

Where Elle Woods went to Law School.

But that story isn’t a worthy desert island movie

(According to Jim, anyway). 

It would take 288.1 miles to return

From Harvard to Scranton,

Which is where Ryan goes to business school,

While Guy Fieri is 282.6 miles away

At the Starlite Lounge in Blawnox, PA. 

And no matter how many miles

Separate these guys

There is no measurable distance to how far

Dwight will attempt to go

For Michael’s approval. 

But there’d be no bus to Flavortown

If all they served 

Was burnt cheese pitas.


 

Colette Marie Murphy (she/her) is a writer, dog mom, and pop culture fanatic living in Southern California. She is currently writing two collaborative stage plays and her first novel, while also penning poems about The Office. You can find her on Twitter at @ThatColette.