I’m watching a French film with subtitles, and there’s this woman who talks to her dog, in French, of course, which makes no sense, because dogs don’t understand French. Everyone knows that, it’s common knowledge. It would have made more sense to use a cat in the film. Cats clearly don’t understand English, but they share several characteristics with the French. To test my theory, I learned a few words of French so I could call my cat. He ignored me, which was no surprise, but guess who came? The dog. Maybe it was the accent. I can’t be sure.

Jim Woessner is a visual artist and writer living on the water in Sausalito, California. He has an MFA from Bennington College and has had poetry and fiction published in numerous online and print magazines. Additionally, two of his plays have been performed in community theatre.