Cupid’s Last Arrow

“For the last time, who has number 7,299,354?”

“Sorry, Maxwell, that’s my number. It’s been a long day,” said Cupid, waving his ticket in the air.

“You’re up Cupid. There’s an emergency in Paradise we need you to handle.” Maxwell said, slightly irritated.

“But we’re in Paradise,” said Cupid, yawing.

“Not here, dumbass, Paradise, Michigan. Now pay attention. We have two lovebirds whose relationship is on the brink of collapse. Their names are Floyd and Bertha, and they’re in desperate need of an angel with your unique talents. So, get over there pronto!”

Cupid set down his Moosehead and burped. Putting his hand over his mouth did nothing to stifle the outcome. Snapping his fingers, he instantly appeared on the rooftop next to Bertha’s home, and as luck would have it landed directly in the middle of a blizzard. The snowstorm coming off Lake Superior was fierce. He immediately began to shake and felt icicles forming on his eyebrows. The storm not only made it difficult to see the couple arguing on the front porch but with only his wings to cover up his nakedness, the threat of frostbite in his most private of places was a real possibility.

“What do you mean, no?” asked Floyd.

“You heard me. I’m not marrying you. I heard about you and that floozy!” Bertha said, slapping his face.

After witnessing the smackdown, and noticing icicles forming in other places, Cupid knew time was short. He positioned his bow and reached into his quiver for an arrow. It was empty. He had already shot his load. Undaunted, Cupid pulled out a golden dagger from his pouch. This should do the trick, he thought. Cupid squinted, struggling to focus on his target through the wind and snow. He took careful aim and let the dagger fly. It struck its intended target, but with unexpected results.

“Oops. That was unfortunate. Maxwell’s not going to like this.  Oh well, at least Floyd is free to marry that floozy now that Bertha is out of the way. I have to get out of here. My gonads are about to fall off. I know what’ll help, a Moosehead!”

Russell Waterman is an Amazon published author, including his latest, “The Adventures of Dave Diamond,” a short story complication. His fiction has also appeared in The Blotter, Literary Yard, Jerry Jazz Musician, and SIA. Read more of his stories here:

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