Rum Punch Review

On a cocktail cruise, somewhere off the coast of St. John Island, I sipped a rum punch and asked myself, “What could go wrong?” If there is a sumptuous seafood display on the sundeck, the following things will happen: Someone with toilet paper stuck to their flip-flops will stagger out of the bathroom and fall face first into the display, AND packs of seagulls will destroy that display and unleash their wrath upon unsuspecting honeymooners. Nate and I were those honeymooners. Instead of enjoying the steel drum band’s rendition of “Islands in the Stream,” Nate and I ducked and perspired. Now, 21 years later, the thing that Nate remembers the most is the rum punch. I haven’t had one since. The desire to cover my head and vomit, whenever I even see this drink, is too strong.

However, Nate has spent many years perfecting his rum punch recipe. In a last-ditch effort to hold-onto-summer-before-our-teenage-son-starts-online-learning-and-the-whole-house-will-be-involved-plus-the-cat-and-we-also-have-to-work-at-home, Nate made a rum punch and this time, I drank it, and it was amazing. Here is the recipe:

–Get a “Tom Collins” glass, which is really just a water glass that Nate and I registered for at Target when we were getting married.

–Discover that the ice-making machine portion of the freezer/refrigerator is not working. If that is happening at your residence, get Nate to come over and suddenly rip out the ice-making part of the freezer and tell you that he thinks that there will no longer be any ice for you—or he might be able to fix it. He can’t know for sure until tomorrow maybe.

–In a shaker that can only be pried open with a butterknife, pour in 2 ounces of dark rum, 1 ounce of triple sec, and five ounces of pineapple juice. If you are lucky enough to have ice, put some ice in that shaker too.

–Shake hard and strain into the Tom Collins glass, which also should have some ice in it.

–Top with a fine sprinkling of nutmeg.

Results: This drink is sweet and tropical, but not overpowering. On a cocktail cruise, it pairs well with a seafood platter that’s protected by plexiglass and sonic cannons that are timed to punctuate the song “Islands in the Stream.” Example: Islands in the stream. (Bang!) That is what we are. (Bang!) No one in between. (Bang!) How can we be wrong? (Bang!).

Cheers! 

Cecilia Kennedy once taught Spanish and English courses in Ohio for many years. She now lives in the Greater Seattle area, and writes horror stories. Her blog (Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks: https://fixinleaksnleeksdiy.blog/) chronicles her humorous (and perhaps scary?) attempts at cooking and home repair. Twitter: @ckennedyhola

Categories: Essay

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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