Parks and Recreation got it right in one try.

The Office had to try twice: the Newcastle Brown Ale

British Office and the Bud Light American Office.

Even with two tries, neither Office could find

its very own Ron Swanson, a man

who could pull out his own tooth with a multi-tool

and drink Lagvulin like it’s mother’s milk.

Kip Knott’s most recent book of poetry is Tragedy, Ecstasy, Doom, and so on (Kelsay Books). He has writing and photographs forthcoming in Barren Magazine, Great Lakes Review, La Piccioletta Barca, and Versification, More of his work can be accessed at kipknott.com.