1.      Beer would never say, “It’s crazy to say beer is your friend,”

the way a human friend would.

2.      Beer doesn’t get jealous if I hang out with other friends like red

wine, tequila, or a person.

3.      Beer may not be more attractive than a woman in a short black dress,

but I’m no prize either.

4.      Beer listens when I talk about my problems. I’m sure about this.

5.      Beery beer.

6.      Beer smells good, better than people, better even than people who

smell like beer.

7.      If beer could talk, I’d like to think beer probably wouldn’t talk

too much.

8.      Beer accepts me the way I am, and I accept beer the way he or she or

it is.

9.      According to beer I’m sexy, and beer would never lie to me.

10.     We share the same interests, like drinking and action movies (me

more than beer for the action movies).

11.     We’re comfortable sharing the same toothbrush.

12.     Beery beery beery beer.

MARK NUTTER grew up in a motel near Joliet, Illinois, which is not as glamorous as it sounds. He’s written a short fiction collection (‘Sunset Cruise on the River Styx’), musicals (‘ReAnimator the Musical’, ‘The Bicycle Men’), television (‘SNL,’ ‘3rd Rock from the Sun’) and film (‘Almost Heroes’). www.marknutter.com.