From the Pop-Tarts Test Kitchen: Coming Soon to a Toaster Near You?
1) Blueberry Butane: How about a Tart you carry in your pocket and warm with simple friction? Intriguing, but hard […]
Empty-Handed at a Dive Bar Blues Show
I went to a blues show at a dive bar on a Monday night. The lead singer bore a passing […]
A List of Reasons Why We Shouldn’t Get a Riding Mower
Now, I know what you’re going to say: I need a riding mower to cut the grass and I know […]
Classic Movie Quotes Reimagined by my Disappointed Father
“Jokes? Where we’re going we don’t need jokes.” “Frankly, my son, I don’t give a damn that your joke was […]
Co-Workers Madeleine Might or Might Not be inviting to Her Fall Wedding
Mary British, so can’t fully be trusted. Distinctly subversive. Every July 4th, brings in a Safeway cake decorated in red, […]
The 10 Best Things About Fall As A Basic Bitch
1. Five words: Bath and Body Works Candles. If you don’t have a three wick of “Leaves,” “Autumn Harvest” or […]
List of Things I, a Cisgender Teen Male, Would Watch in the 2020 Olympics to Keep Me From Begging My Parents to Let Me and My Best Friend, Aiden, Play Call of Duty, Instead
Fencing athletes wear Darth Vader masks and use light sabers. All Judo, Karate and Taekwondo competitors fight at once. Last […]
Worst Places to Be When Big Bird is Next to You and Holding a Knife
in the dentist chair, mid teeth cleaning in the shower on a plane at a Jamba Juice (when you order […]
Get Your Palate Ready For…. Insects!
Insects are rising on the food chain just like the bile in your throat at the thought of eating them. […]
We Tried Giving These Women Charlize Theron’s Bowl Cut and, Spoiler Alert, They Do Not Look Good
Charlize Theron is someone who can rock all the most daring hairstyles, ones that make us normal women look like […]
The Gospel of Shawshank
For Jesus to appear we require three entities – a female, a male and an ambiguous Even here, it were […]
A Spoiler-Free Wrap-Up of the Final Episode of Loki
Hello. I’m an internet comics journalist. I probably write for CBR or some shit and this will show up between […]
List of reasons why Jack Dawson was not a real person, but a coping mechanism that 17 year old Rose created to deal with the fact that her mother was basically pimping her out to 30 year old Cal
1. Most obvious one: There is LITERALLY NO record of any person called Jack Dawson that boarded the Titanic 2. He […]
Mrs. Doubtfire’s Tips for First Dates (Because you are NOT that Kind of Girl, Dear!)
A Week before the Date Add 1 gallon of distilled water to a bucket. After taking a swig, add one […]
The Seven Fear Street Novels That Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations Of High School
7. What Holly Heard: I knew high school would be a dramatic time in my life, but I was really […]
“The Dog Whisperer” Rehabilitation Techniques: Adapted for Humans Suffering from Chronic Chick-fil-A Addiction
Hi! I’m Cesar Millan from the TV show The Dog Whisperer. I also have other shows: Cesar 911, Leader of the Pack, and Dog […]