Get Your Palate Ready For…. Insects!
Insects are rising on the food chain just like the bile in your throat at the thought of eating them. […]
We Tried Giving These Women Charlize Theron’s Bowl Cut and, Spoiler Alert, They Do Not Look Good
Charlize Theron is someone who can rock all the most daring hairstyles, ones that make us normal women look like […]
The Gospel of Shawshank
For Jesus to appear we require three entities – a female, a male and an ambiguous Even here, it were […]
A Spoiler-Free Wrap-Up of the Final Episode of Loki
Hello. I’m an internet comics journalist. I probably write for CBR or some shit and this will show up between […]
List of reasons why Jack Dawson was not a real person, but a coping mechanism that 17 year old Rose created to deal with the fact that her mother was basically pimping her out to 30 year old Cal
1. Most obvious one: There is LITERALLY NO record of any person called Jack Dawson that boarded the Titanic 2. He […]
Mrs. Doubtfire’s Tips for First Dates (Because you are NOT that Kind of Girl, Dear!)
A Week before the Date Add 1 gallon of distilled water to a bucket. After taking a swig, add one […]
The Seven Fear Street Novels That Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations Of High School
7. What Holly Heard: I knew high school would be a dramatic time in my life, but I was really […]
“The Dog Whisperer” Rehabilitation Techniques: Adapted for Humans Suffering from Chronic Chick-fil-A Addiction
Hi! I’m Cesar Millan from the TV show The Dog Whisperer. I also have other shows: Cesar 911, Leader of the Pack, and Dog […]
SEEKING NEW GOD FOR AFTER COVID (AND BEYOND)
Attractive, ex-Catholic woman in late 30s with part-time employment seeks powerful but compassionate deity for long-term, monotheistic relationship post-pandemic MUST […]
Things Simone Biles Can Do Better than You
1. The Biles2. The Biles3. The Biles4. The Biles II5. The Biles II6. Cartwheels, probably Shannon Frost Greenstein (She/Her) is the author of “Pray for Us […]
How to Get Out of Plans Now that You’re Vaccinated
(Blaming COVID is especially difficult now that you shared your vaccine selfie.) “Now that we’re vaccinated, we can—“ Hold it […]
Popular Song Lyrics Adapted by Your Overly-Emotional Friend Who Just Got Cheated On
My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion Near, far, wherever you are (or aren’t) I believe that the heart […]
Excuses I Make When I Miss a Deadline
My dog pretended to eat my computer, but instead sold my jokes to Dane Cook for a bag of bones. […]
Persnickety
That afternoon, following quite a busy morning, Rabbit sat down and crossed the final item off of his to-do list: […]
Tell-Tale Signs You’re A ‘Pineapple Beer’ Guzzling Alcoholic Desperately Hiding Behind Attempts At Creativity While Struggling To Deny The Tantalizing Lure Of A Career In Technical Writing
1) You once tried to write a novel based loosely on your own personal experiences, but the main character died […]
PROVERBS FOR OUR TIME (WHATEVER TIME THAT MAY BE)
l. Let bygones be bygones – and what kind of History would that get you? 2. Haste makes waste, but […]