The last time I saw John Mulaney, he was head over heels. Literally. His ass was straight up in the air, and his legs dangled, folded at the knee. I asked what he was doing, but he jabbered on about ducks splashing in the rain. But it’s sunny out, John, I said. He would have waved the back of his hand to dismiss my observation, but he was busy balancing his torso above the ground. I offered help, but he rolled his eyes and called, PETUNIA! Around the corner she wobbled and planted a slobbery kiss on his gargantuan mouth.

Lindsey is a writer born and raised in Upstate South Carolina. She has words in Rejection Letters, Red Fez, Coffin Bell Journal, Schuylkill Valley Journal and more. She spends her time at home raising a strong, confident daughter. Find her on Twitter: @rydanmardsey