Making something delicious (and boozy!) doesn’t have to be difficult. Drinking alone is simple, so why shouldn’t mixing be too? We’ve figured out some of the best recipes from around the world that won’t break your bank or your spirit. Making a great Water Bottle Filled with Wine is totally possible, as long as you follow these simple steps.
- Water bottle
- Fiji, if you want to show off as you board a flight.
- Dasani if you want to pass the time on a crowded Greyhound bus.
- Perrier if you’re hiding from the US government aboard a Swedish train to France.
- Poland Spring if your dad likes your brother more than you.
- Wine, $7 or under works best
- Red might imply that you’re sipping an energy drink.
- White could be passed off as a very weak iced tea.
If you pick rosè, you’re drinking wine out of a water bottle in public.
- Issues connecting socially
- Saying “aha yeah” whenever you don’t know what else to say
- Having serious thoughts about just going off the grid in the middle of a pandemic, changing your life, and moving to New Zealand
- Collecting. Collecting anything.
Choose a Water Bottle
- You should probably chug the water, this is going to really run the dignity right out of you. While we certainly want to save the planet, or at least get Greta Thumbilina to follow us back on Twitter, a plastic bottle does add a certain air of elegance to the recipe. If you hide behind your purple Camelback bottle covered in stickers, you will be able to hide your shame, which definitely adds an extra kick. It’s like my tinder dates always say: don’t go down unless you really want to. In the end, the brand is up to you. Even though this is solely meant to be filled with wine, the details paint the picture.
Choose a Wine
Again, this speaks to your character. How do you want to be inaccurately perceived? Pick a wine that gives you unearned confidence and won’t make you pee too much. Really, a chardonnay, a reisling, toilet wine, whatever you’ve got on tap is fine. We’re not here for class, we’re here for quick results. If this was a different day, we’d be pitching Everclear in a Super Gulp, but not right now. Build to that.
Pour the Wine Into the Bottle
Ignore your mother. Ignore your therapist. Ignore the fact that you and the homeless guy on the L, you’re not so different after all. Self-care can take many forms. Why should we limit the good vibes to the confines of our home? Why must we shame ourselves for catching rays and getting a walk-in while also keeping it loose? The yin and the yang, the ebb and the flow. You are an example of a complicated spirit. Fill the soul and play your part. Today, you might seem like someone in need of a friend, but you’re so much more. Fill the bottle.
Take It Out
- If you choose white, we recommend taking this drink out in the daytime. If you’re interested in a walk in the park or buying ecstasy from some girl in high school, this one will be the perfect mood-setter. Dry or sweet, as long as you’re sloshed in a public area. If you’re feeling fun and flirty with red, though, wait until nightfall. Red wine is dangerous, so unless you’re walking to a bar or trying to prep yourself for some kind of James Bond recon mission, try to play this one pretty cool. Stay under the radar, which means avoid peeing in a back alley or walking into a strip club just to learn about their furniture choices.
There you have it! An easy peasy recipe for wine in a water bottle. This is a recipe that has been passed down in my family for generations and hopefully, it can bring joy to your lives as well. For a similar taste and experience, we recommend Ina Garten’s Cosmopolitan recipe in an emptied McDonalds cup. Enjoy!
Alyssa Moore can be followed on Twitter @cakegirlboss.