Ever since One Direction was formed in 2010, music and film sensation Harry Styles has been traveling the globe, dazzling young girls, gays, and sexually repressed mothers with his glittery suits and nipple-height bell bottoms. I’ve been there for it all—all the hair lengths, all the thousand dollar t shirts, all the heeled sparkly boots that make the young folk go “WHAT ARE THOSE?”—and now, here I am, alone, in his apartment.
It’s okay that I have let myself into Harry Styles’ apartment in London. I have supported him for eight years now. I’ve bought concert tickets, CDs, One Direction duct tape. He’d be nowhere without fans like me; that gives me some rights!
It’s not important how I got inside, but it’s okay, because Harry is in LA now according to Official_HarryUpdates94 on Twitter. What’s important is that I am here, and I can now answer the question that’s been on all of our minds for years: What’s in Harry Styles’ junk drawer?
I had to look up the name for these guys. If you don’t know what pinking shears are, they are the scissors that cut in a zigzag pattern—good for scrapbooking! Does our big time pop star wind down for the weekends by artistically memorializing special moments spent with loved ones? I’d like to think so, but I also noticed there seem to be no regular scissors anywhere in the apartment, which makes me think that Harry Styles may just cut everything in zigzags.
Golden Girls Postage Stamps
I almost didn’t recognize these stamps as Golden Girls memorabilia because it looks like nearly all the Betty White stamps have been used. How I long to receive a handwritten letter from Harry Styles—maybe written in calligraphy, sealed with his sweet saliva—with a tiny Betty White smiling back at me as if to say “You’re special and worthy and you are making something of yourself despite what your mother says.”
A Tree Frog from Stevie Nicks
When I opened the drawer, I saw movement, and I yelled a very throaty yell I’m glad Harry was not around for. And then the movement stopped and I was having a staring contest with an inch-long tree frog. Despite my lack of frog knowledge, I knew tree frogs weren’t the type of critter to accidentally wander into your cracked door. I knew this was a special frog. I browsed for answers until I came across an empty glass tank, full of branches, leaves, and a crystal bowl of pristine water. There was a small card folded on top of the tank that said, You are my son. You are my love. You stick to my heart like a tree frog. Let’s meet for fondue soon ~Stevie.
A 2011 Harry Styles Doll
Still in the box, labeled “FOR EMERGENCIES”.
Lizette Roman-Johnston is a Creative Nonfiction MFA candidate at Saint Mary’s College of California (’21). She moved to the Bay Area in 2019 from her hometown of Wilton, Connecticut. She majored in English and Psychology at Skidmore College (’18). Lizette is a lover of pop culture, sports, and her black cat Stompy.