To whom this may concern:
My life has been nothing but constant suffering and agonizing pain, and tonight, I finally take destiny in my own hands and end it all on my terms.
Having been ostracized by my friends and family and fired from my job, I knew a change had to be made. As I entered my house this evening, I stared at the clock ticking, and I knew my time was up; I am nothing but a smudge, waiting to be wiped away.
So, needless to say, I was not fully satisfied with the Dark Chocolate Kit Kats. They did not bring new meaning to my life, like the packaging promised. I expect a full refund, so I have included my address, so please mail the check to me for the amount of the candy bar and the postage of this letter.
Dear Mr. Williams,
Please stop threatening suicide for refunds on candy bars. Go choke on a milk dud.
The Kit-Kat Corporation
Jackson Weaver is a college student just trying to be funny. If you find this funny follow me @updogenthusiast. If you don’t find it funny and just want to cyberbully me, you can also follow me on twitter.