To whom this may concern:

My life has been nothing but constant suffering and agonizing pain, and tonight, I finally take destiny in my own hands and end it all on my terms.

Having been ostracized by my friends and family and fired from my job, I knew a change had to be made. As I entered my house this evening, I stared at the clock ticking, and I knew my time was up; I am nothing but a smudge, waiting to be wiped away.

So, needless to say, I was not fully satisfied with the Dark Chocolate Kit Kats. They did not bring new meaning to my life, like the packaging promised. I expect a full refund, so I have included my address, so please mail the check to me for the amount of the candy bar and the postage of this letter.

Sincerely,

Alfred Williams

###

Dear Mr. Williams,

Please stop threatening suicide for refunds on candy bars. Go choke on a milk dud.

Sincerely,

The Kit-Kat Corporation

Jackson Weaver is a college student just trying to be funny. If you find this funny follow me @updogenthusiast. If you don’t find it funny and just want to cyberbully me, you can also follow me on twitter.