The Farting Manual

  • Decide on where you’d like to perform…public places are always an excellent location
  • Carefully choose the exact location for your performance i.e. a chair, sofa, standing 
  • Do not concentrate on smell! This is only a side benefit and should never be the sole point of concentration
  • Going for smell alone can (and often does) lead to a poor performance, and the largest single failure possible…a shitty performance
  • In such an embarrassing display you will undoubtedly lose your underwear and your pants may be destroyed and suffer collateral damage
  • The preferred method by professionals is to work off of a hard surface and go for maximum volume
  • The best posture is, without a doubt, using the ‘One Cheek Sneak’
  • In this position the farter leans to one side which lifts the opposing cheek slightly off the surface
  • The space between the cheek and working surface is known as the ‘Air Gap’
  • Keep the air gap to less than 1” or the advantage of the solid surface will be compromised
  • When working in such an advantageous location and surface most of the potential errors are eliminated
  • At this point you’re ready to make your command performance
  • Immediately after concluding what is, undoubtedly, the single greatest accomplishment of your life, you will get one of two, reactions:

             1. Great applause and cheering    

             2. People saying ‘I can’t believe you did that’

                  a. The latter are usually family members

  • If you are wise enough to follow all the steps presented here your performance should be worthy of fame brought on by appearances on the major networks, and news networks

Steve Tatarka is a 63-year-old dude who’s always had a wry sense of humor. He is certain that he can make a joke about a funeral. In fact, he can make a joke about pretty much anything. He’s surprisingly brilliant although you might not know just by looking at them.

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