Things my boyfriend tells me coming out of the bathroom

These events occurred in the morning, post-breakfast.

1) “That’s an odd color.”

Me: Gross.

Him: “…The bruise I got a couple days ago looks like a rotten avocado.”

2) “Well, that took longer than expected.”

Me: Seriously?

Him: “…Shaving my face can be so time-consuming. “

3) “That felt good.”

Me: Who says that?

Him: “…I finally removed that piece of steak from between my teeth. It was really starting to bother me.”

4)Not bad.”

Me: Ewwwww. 

Him: “…It’s not taking me as long as I thought it would to get ready for work.”

5) “Hmm, that didn’t go as planned.”

Me: What the–?

Him: “…I should’ve changed my single blade razor yesterday. Where did you put the Vasoline? I need to dab all these razor cuts.”

6) “Oh man, that hurt.”

Me: I told you last night’s 5-star Phad Thai would be too spicy. 

Him: “…I should’ve listened to you. Last night’s 5-star Phad Thai was too spicy.”

#

In case you’re wondering, we’re still together. 

Jennifer Lai is addicted to writing microfiction, flash, and short fiction stories that are inspired by everyday events. She lives in Washington State with her dying pepper plants and pet rocks.

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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