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An Interview with Anna Nicole Smith’s Last Companion

This week Canines in the News looks back at one of our most famous episodes, first aired on February 22, 2007. What follows is a partial transcript of that broadcast.

During her short life, Anna Nicole Smith found her way into the hearts of hundreds of millions of Americans and their pets, and her death stunned the nation. In our ongoing effort to make sense of this senseless tragedy, which took place just a few short days ago, we’ve arranged an exclusive interview with the animal who knew her best, her faithful dog Yowzah! We talked to Yowzah! Monday in Manhattan, where he was taking a star turn at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

Yowzah!, I believe you’re a Bull Terrier. Is that correct?

Ruff RUFF ruff ruff. Huh huh!

Oh, I’m sorry, a purebred Bull Terrier. Of course.

Woof!

Yowzah!, we all share the pain you must be going through.

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeee …

You probably knew Anna Nicole as well as anybody. Given that fact, how do you believe we ought to remember her?

Ruff … WOOF woof woof. Woof.

Generous with your kibble … I see … So the sex and drugs, the masters who came and went, that unfortunate incident with the treadmill and the Mixmaster that made so many headlines— Those really had nothing to do with the Anna Nicole Smith you knew and loved …

Yip. Yip yip yip yip. Nnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee …

Of course. We understand.

Yowzah!, most dogs lead a life of quiet desperation: sleeping, peeing, wolfing their off-brand dog food day after day, maybe sniffing out a quickie … In looking back, did your relationship with Anna Nicole afford you any opportunities you might not have enjoyed otherwise?

Ruff! Woof WOOF. Arooohhh!

So it sounds like you didn’t have many lonely nights. Is that how you got the exclamation point at the end of your name?

Ruff! Huh huh huh huh huh!

Well, have you ever been tempted to settle down?

Woof. Woof woof. Ruff RUFF RUFF.

Jack Nicholson’s Great Dane bitch? Can you tell us about that?

Ruff RUFF RUFF ruff ruff.

. . . on a flight to Cancun … Well, that must have been quite a ride! Heh-heh-heh!

Huh! Huh! Huh! Arooh! Arooh! AROOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Well, we’ll have to see if we can get her on the program.

Yowzah!, it’s only been two weeks since your mistress passed away, but have you had a chance to give any thought to your future?

Huh huh huh! Ruf ruf. Ruf RUFF RUFF RUFF. Grrrrrr. HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!

I see! The Malibu Purebred Bull Terrier Breeding Kennel. I—

ARUF! RUF! HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH—

I—

HUH HUH—

Down Yowzah! Down! Down boy!

You can read more of our exclusive interview with Yowzah! at our site, www.CaninesInTheNews.com. And join us next week for a rebroadcast of our no-holds-barred conversation with Vice President Dick Cheney’s alpha Rottweiler, Siegfried.

Grove Koger is the author of When the Going Was Good: A Guide to the 99 Best Narratives of Travel, Exploration, and Adventure and Assistant Editor of Deus Loci: The Lawrence Durrell Journal. He blogs at worldenoughblog.wordpress.com.

Categories: Fiction

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Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.

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