I have some great news. Remember that job I applied for as a nuclear power plant inspector? You’re not going to believe this, but they called today and said I got the job! I know you’re wondering, how is it possible? I’m not sure I know myself. I guess they don’t verify the credentials of their applicants, such as my lack of experience, not having an engineering degree, or the fact that I’ve never been inside a nuclear power plant. But how difficult can it be? I’ll put on a hardhat, tour the plant, and figure it out as I go. My only concern is the age thing. I put 27 on the application. Okay, so I was a few years off. I’ve made an appointment with a hair stylist, which should help. But here’s the really good news. As a new employee, I get four weeks paid vacation, and I can take them all right away. That’ll give me more than enough time to learn the job. And even if things don’t work out, we’ll collect a month’s salary and do that trip to Tahiti we’ve always talked about. It’s a total win-win. Fukushima, here we come! Love, Bob.



Jim Woessner’s writings have appeared in the Blue Collar Review, The Daily Drunk, Close to the Bone, and elsewhere. He has an MFA in Creative Writing (whoopty doo) from Bennington College, and he works as a visual artist and writer living on the water in Sausalito, California.